Let's Read Conan the Barbarian

[lordyam]

This is the very first Conan series I reviewed back on the old board. I'm reposting them from sufficient velocity

So without further ado lets dive into the first #50 issues of Conan the Barbarian, Dark Horse.

Issue #0: Conan the Legend.

Our story begins with a prince and his wazir surveying the landscape, with the prince bitching about how ugly and boring it all is. The Wazir protests that the Prince has a duty, that his father has entrusted him yada yada but the prince doesn't really care. A servant runs up announcing that they have discovered a chamber filled with treasure. While the prince is at first skeptical he quickly changes his tune when he actually sees the ridiculous piles of gold. The Wazir starts explaining how the few records that exist indicate that this was once a city called Tarantia, but the prince is distracted by the giant stone statue that is sitting on its side in the center of all that gold (you'd really think they would have noticed that right away but whatever.) The prince is clearly interested and asks who the man is, but the Wazir seems unusually eager to try and dissuade the prince, stating that the statue is probably just some common general and thug, but the Prince isn't persuaded and further examination of the statue reveals an inscription that states "In our hour of darkness, when serpent strikes He Shall return." Despite the Wazir's protests the Prince is clearly hooked and after an argument makes the Wazir fall in line by reminding him that he's the one in charge rather than the other way around. We cut to a few days later and the prince has not lost interest, asking the Wazir to tell them what they've found. At this point the Wazir begins to read from one of the scrolls, and what follows is the opening passage that was printed in the very first story about Conan that REH ever made, the Phoenix on the Sword.

"Know, O prince, that between the years when the oceans drank Atlantis and the gleaming cities, and the years of the rise of the Sons of Aryas, there was an Age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars - Nemedia, Ophir, Brythunia, Hyperborea, Zamora with its dark-haired women and towers of spider-haunted mystery, Zingara with its chivalry, Koth that bordered on the pastoral lands of Shem, Stygia with its shadow-guarded tombs, Hyrkania whose riders wore steel and silk and gold. But the proudest kingdom of the world was Aquilonia, reigning supreme in the dreaming west.
Hither came Conan the Cimmerian, black-haired, sullen-eyed, sword in hand, a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandalled feet." 

As the Wazir reads this we see images of the various kingdoms and of Conan himself involved in various acts of badassery and debauchery. Towards the end the Wazir starts to slow down and eventually has an outburst where he tries to once more persuade the prince that this is either completely made up or if it is real exaggeration. The Prince's response? "Wazir? I would here more. Continue." The Wazir sighs and the issue ends with him reluctantly continuing.


Reactions: Overall this is a serviceable enough issue, establishing the framing device that will carry through for the next 50 issues. Personally I liked the framing device, since it created the atmosphere of sitting around a campfire being told these great stories, or of someone finding a long forgotten tome and relearning old history. The artwork is great for the most part (minus a few goofs here and there), showing the characters as realistic looking humans. What really surprised me was how likable the prince was. He's the kind of character you initially expect to hate, but his enthusiasm to know more is infectious and you get the feeling that there are hints of greatness that could establish him as a great ruler one day. The Wazir on the other hand, is about as subtle as a punch in the face to someone who knows the Conan lore. Let's see, he has green eyes, very thinly veiled contempt towards Conan and the clear indication that he knows far more than he's saying. Those who haven't read Conan in their lives might be convinced but to someone who's read pastiches before its pretty damn obvious that the wazir is probably thoth amon. Still, it accomplishes its task of making the reader want to know more. 7/10

[lordyam]

Issue #1: Out of the Darksome Hills


Recap: We open with a Vanir raid on an Aesir Village, with a mother trying to flee with her baby. Unfortunately for her a Vanir raider that has been pursuing her catches up to her and prepares to do what all dastardly villains would do....Fortunately Conan intercedes and chops the Vanirman's head off (awesome shot by the way.) He than charges right into the village and moves to start slaughtering Vanirmen. The Vanirmen are scared shitless of this strange boy who manages to cut through them like a knife through butter but eventually it looks like the sheer number of Vanirmen will kill our brave Cimmerian. Until the Vanir leader is told that the Aesir men are returning. The leader calls a retreat, while vowing that he and Conan will see each other again. The woman's husband, Sjarl initially accuses Conan of being the one who caused the massacre (HOW? He's one man), and when his wife vouches for Conan Sjarl further accuses Conan of being a spy on the grounds that Cimmerians never leave their homes unless to fight in wars. He further antagonizes Conan despite the Chieften's protests (how the **** is this guy not dead?), prompting Conan to spit on him before decking him in the face when Sjarl tries to attack. When two of his friends grab Conan he effortlessly breaks free and incapacitates them. We get a bit of Conan holding Sjarl at sword point before calling him a ***** by saying how even though Sjarl thinks he's a boy he's spoken at council fires and sent a score of Aquilonians to hell during Venarium before asking if Sjarl can say the same. He than accuses the chieftain of being ungrateful, and after a scout rides up to confirm Conan's story the chieftain apologizes. Conan accepts both the apology and the invitation to stay more. Meanwhile Sjarl tries to ask his wife (revealed to be named Henga) if she's okay; she gives him the cold shoulder and tells him to get a bucket.


We cut to nightfall and the Aesir have burned their dead. Conan and the chieftain Niord have an interesting discussion about their people's respective burial practices and their beliefs in the next world, before Conan jokingly says that perhaps that's why the Cimmerians always defeat the Aesir. Niord laughs it off and invites Conan to join the clan for dinner. At the dinner Conan flirts with Henga (revealed to be the Chieftain's daughter), accompanied by a quick panel of Sjarl glowering darkly. This can't be good.

Conan tells Niord about the tales that his grandfather told him about (accompanied by rather beautiful visuals), and when Niord points out that the lands Conan describes are in the south Conan explains that there is a land he wants to see up north that his grandfather also mentioned......Hyperborea, which is supposed to basically be a utopia of beautiful buildings and never-ending summer, where the people are immortal (at least until they jump to their deaths out of boredom). Sjarl is amazed that Conan would willingly go to hyperborea, hinting at a darker secret. Conan misinterprets forcing Niord to defuse the situation by inviting Conan to help them pursue the Vanir stragglers in exchange for helping Conan reach Hyperborea, too which Conan agrees.

Later that night Sjarl tries to meet with Henga, only to see her walking away into the darkness. He follows her, and sees her kissing Conan. The Next day Conan is with the raiders, complaining about the armor while Henga is playfully flirting with conan (i can't help but wonder if the bolded words are meant to imply some sexual innuendo). One of Sjarl's friends mocks him about Henga's obvious crush on Conan. Niord rallies the troops and Conan volunteers to go off with the tracker Gorm, and after Niord agrees the two take off. As the rest of the army follows behind them Sjarl ominously says that he'd be only too happy to help Conan see Hyperborea. Oh this is really not going to end well.

Reactions: Another good issue; Niord and his fellow Aesir are extremely likable, with Conan's friendly interactions with Niord being the high point rather than the action (with the exception of Sjarl. Look dude I get that you feel threatened but making an ass out of yourself is only going to make Henga less likely to appreciate you.) Conan also gets off on a good foot with the reader by killing a would be rapist and kicking ass in defense of people whom it turns out he doesn't even like. He also really comes across as a starry eyed youth with big dreams of adventure and glory. On the other hand his starry eyed wonder at the prospect of Hyperborea seems a little....wierd. I know it's for the soul crushing reality that occurs later, but still. Conan also looks like a grown man at times rather than the young boy of 15 to 16 we know he is.

Overall I'd give it a 8.5 out of ten. Good action, good character development, just some personal weirdness.

[johnnypt]

Maybe you should change the thread title to Let's Read Dark Horse's Conan or something like that. Conan the Barbarian refers to two other series, one distinctly better than the other.

I'll see about digging up my old reviews again. I may end doing them all at once!

[lordyam]

Issue #2: The Frost Giant's Daughter

Recap: We start the story in the aftermath of a battle, where Conan and a Vanirman are in a staredown followed by a short battle where Conan effortlessly kills the guy before collapsing unconscious. He wakes up to the sound of laughter and after shaking off his drowsiness he sees......this


Woo Woo!!!!! [​IMG]

Conan is immediately smitten and he and Atali exchange banter, with Conan assuming Atali must be a Vanirman, while Atali mocks both this assumption and the swearing by Ymir. After some more banter Atali goads Conan (motivated by rage and horniness) into chasing her through the rather beautiful arctic landscape in spite of his suspicions (then again Atali is damn hot). Unsurprisingly it turns out that Atali was luring him into a trap as two giants who are apparently her brothers burst from the snow wielding massive battle-axes. Atal sicks them on Conan, telling them to fetch his heart for their father. After a short fight Conan manages to kill one brother and incapacitate the other by cutting his leg before impaling him on the ground. At this point AtaliBEGINS[​IMG] panicking and trying to run (well ok she was running before but now she's trying to just get the hell out of there.) Conan catches up and grabs her, in a way that makes it very clear he intends to force himself on her. Atali manages to break free and ask her father Ymir to save her. Evidently Daddy's waiting and Atali vanishes in a blinding light, prompting Conan to finally collapse from exhaustion. He comes to with Niord and Horsa rubbing his limbs so that he won't succumb to frostbite, at which point Niord explains how he and his men crushed an ambush and tracked Conan. Conan tells him about Atali, but Niord tells him that they didn't find any other tracks besides Conan; the bodies of the two giants have also vanished. Horsa (and Conan himself) begin to wonder if Conan is mad, but Gorm (who also had a run in with Atali but survived due to being too injured to pursue her) believes him. Nevertheless Horsa and Conan both begin to think it's a dream....that is until Conan finds silk from Atali's scant clothing in his grip



Reaction: This is the first adaptation of a Howard story and in all honesty it's pretty faithful. The dialogue and supporting captions are word for word from the original storyline, to the point that when I read the original story on projectgutenberg I barely noticed any differences. As an adaptation this story is a 10/10. As a story....well this is complicated. The overall atmosphere was dark and surreal, dragging you into the story. Conan's blind running after Atali manages to be believable (given that Conan is injured, exhausted and confronted with a really beautiful woman clad in only a skirt.) There's also the vague feeling that Atali is using her supernatural charms to lure Conan along. If true it makes the scene where Conan grabs Atali with the attempt to force himself on her somewhat more palatable. The only other problem is how easily the giants went down. Yeah Conan's injured but these warriors are supposedly doing this racket for years. What, all the other experienced warriors get killed yet the 16 year old boy who's drained and exhausted manages to take these guys down in less than a minute? Otherwise it's a damn good story about the supernatural. 9/10.


Issue #3: At the Back of the North Wind

The story opens at night, with Conan and Niord having a conversation about a battle well done at the same time that Conan fixes his armor. Niord asks why Conan still keeps his damaged helmet and bothers to repair it when he could just take any helmet from the battlefield. Conan responds that it was made for him by his dad, who imparted on him the importance of keeping gear in good condition (and that the horns have a sentimental value.) They exchange friendly insults, while without their knowledge Sjarl observes with increasing jealousy.

The Next day Conan and Gorm are following a trail made by the Vanir raiders they've followed. Conan manages to pick up the Vanir's trail, earning praise from Gorm and Niord. Sjarl meanwhile is jealous of increasing praise Conan is getting from Niord, made worse when his friend Einar points out that Henga is attracted to Conan and that "a good thing he'll be traveling on, or our next chieftain might be a..." at which point Sjarl cuts him off. Nevertheless it's clear that Sjarl is badly rankled by this. He approaches Conan and apologizes for his initial rudeness. Conan is willing to accept and obliges when Sjarl asks him about Hyperborea. Conan tells him that it is supposedly protected by vicious winds, but that if you can get past it you will find a paradise of always summer. Sjarl tells Conan that he and Einar are heading to Bryunthia for a few days after they complete the hunt and invites Conan to tag along. Conan is initially reluctant but Sjarl's persists, saying that the paradise will be there in 2 weeks and that he wants to make up for misjudging Conan. Conan accepts, but they are interrupted by a call from ahead. Gorm has found a stag that was very hastily butchered and more importantly abandoned with most of the meat still on it. Therefore the raiders must be close. However since sunset is upon them they will stop for the night and continue hunting tomorrow.

Later that night Sjarl is observing Conan from afar, when Einar catches up with him and asks him what he's doing. When Einar states that inviting him along will just keep Conan from leaving them, Sjarl argues that Niord will inevitably warn Conan about what the Hyperboreans are really like, while he wants Conan to "experience its many wonders!" Uh Oh this can't be good. He also tells Einar that he has a border kingdom friend who sells grain to the hyperboreans, and that he plans to use that contact to sell conan to them. He and Einar sneak off into the night.

Conan sits around the campfire, musing about his time with the Aesir and how they are far different from what he was raised to believe (and further thinking that the Vanir might be more than raiders and brigands when they're at home. He shrugs these off and goes to sleep. The next day the Aesir fall upon the Vanir and quickly gain the upper hand. The leader volunteers to let himself be executed in exchange for the survival of his men, and despite initial implications that its a trap it turns out to be real. Nevertheless Conan can't quite shake the feeling of danger.

Sjarl offers to travel with Conan a bit, and while Niord is willing to let him go he tries to dissuade Conan. Conan says no, wanting to see more wonders. Niord tries to tell him that Hyperborea isn't exactly the paradise he's heard.....at which point an arrow fells one of the Aesir warriors. This is followed immediately afterwards by large pale skinned warriors in armor. Einar asks Sjarl how this is happening, that they arranged to meet the Hyperboreans (which is apparently what these warriors are) south with Conan. Sjarl realizes the merchant made a better deal with the Hyperboreans and decides to get the hell out of there. Even Einar is stunned by this, since its one thing to betray an outsider rather than your own people, but Sjarl quickly persuades him that its their only chance to survive.

Down below one of the prisoners asks Conan to free him so they can join forces. Conan sees the logic in this and frees him and the rest. Turns out he's the same Vanir from issue 1. Conan asks who the hell the giant pale things are and is informed that they are in fact the Hyperboreans. Niord is quickly injured, and Conan takes out the one who stabbed him in a blind rage. Nevertheless the battle is going badly. The vanir realizes that a small force will have to break out and attack from outside or they're screwed, and notices Sjarl and Einar standing on the cliff. He tells Conan to reach them, since even three could do it. Conan reluctantly agrees after the warrior promises to defend Niord. He breaks out and rushes to Sjarl and Einar's position. Einar briefly considers that maybe there is a chance, but Sjarl's cowardice wins out, and when Conan asks for help Sjarl kicks into the melee before fleeing with Einar. Conan is furious saying that the Vanir have more honor. Less than a second later a hyperborean bops Conan on the head with a club knocking him out cold.

In the aftermath of the battle the survivors are gathered onto sledges and taken away. Conan's helmet falls of the sledge as he is taken into the wind and the issue ends with Conan's helmet laying in the snow (we'll revisit it later).

Review: We see Conan's increasing bond with the Aesir has grown to the point where Conan has started to realize that a lot of his initial misconceptions were false. The battle sequence where the Vanir and Aesir join forces was also well done, capturing the feel of a desperate alliance trying to survive. Sjarl also shows the true depth of his cowardice when he abandons his own people to save his hide, ruining the last desperate chance the allies have of breaking out. If I had any problems it was that a.) it was sometimes hard to tell who was who (since the Aesir kind of all look alike) and that Sjarl's increasing contempt for Conan was a little too obvious. I get that they have to telegraph some of it but his ranting reminded me of Scar from the Lion King (helped along by that kick he gives Conan off the cliff). Still, good issue overall. 9 out of 10.

[lordyam]

Okay, Issue #4: Gates of Paradise.



Conan wakes up to be knocked out in time to see his arrival in Hyperborea; after he arrives everything becomes a daze, and aside from brief moments of lucidity (such as when he's fighting in the arena) everything is portrayed as a fog. (quick aside: As someone who went under anesthesia for the first time recently (I had to get my wisdom teeth removed) I can attest to barely perceiving anything in the immediate aftermath. The way Busiek portrays the haze is almost exactly like that.) Conan almost feels like its Venarium again, only the sound of applause strikes him as disturbing and unnatural. Unfortunately the haze returns quickly to the point Conan doesn't even know how much time passes. During a moment of lucidity he lashes out at slavemasters who are appraising him like merchandise (with one slaver saying he's officer material and that its ridiculous he was initially chosen to be part of the "gurnakhi") only to be knocked out by a wizard. This time however, he wakes up with a beautiful woman standing over him, and having gone through a "different darkness". Conan angrily lashes out at the woman, unaware that the haze has worn off. The woman placates him and introduces herself as Iasmini, the chief house slave of the Hyperborean lord Aishti'ana. She tells him that he's been drugged with yellow lotus and gives him leaves to counter its effects. Conan asks if they are in Turan (she's turanian) and she tells him that they are in Hyperborea. Normally this would be ridiculous but Conan has been drugged for most of the time so it's understandable he doesn't know. Conan is shocked, saying that he's heard that Hyperborea was a land of music, magic and immortality. Iasmini tells him that those things are indeed present, just not for the slaves. Conan hears a noise, which Iasmini states is most likely the army returning with more slaves. Conan asks what the point of a large army and slaves is if Hyperborea is isolated, and Iasmini simply tells him its better if he doesn't know before asking his name which Conan gives. Iasmini reveals that she chose Conan because she's been hoping to flee for years (ever since she was abducted from a Turanian caravan); Conan's broken free three times so she realizes he's her best bet. Conan agrees to help and Iasmini gives him leaves to take three times a day (while warning him to keep up the facade of an addled slave.)



Time passes and we see Conan manage to fool the Hyperboreans pretty easily. He gains an understanding of what happens with the slaves. The fit ones are chosen for the army, the ones who are strong but not very bright are selected for the "gurnakhi" which Conan comes to realize are the big hulking white dudes, while the old and sick are taken away for an unknown process. One day the soldiers are called by horns to a "day of farewell". Alongside various other slaves (including the ones for the house) , they assemble at the edge of an unfinished bridge. A Hyperborean noblewoman (evidently called lady Kiliar'ki) and her slaves approach the bridge and than they all throw themselves over it. Conan remembers the part of his grandfathers tales about how the hyperboreans leap off a cliff when they are bored to be reuinted with the gods. Aishti'ana delivers a brief proclamation declaring an end to the day of farewell typical platitudes blah blah blah and states envy that he can't join Kilari'ki (he wants too but evidently isn't quite bored enough.)



Later that day Conan and Iasmini are alone, with Iasmini wearing see-through cloth to cover her and naught else. She explains that the Hyperboreans "believe that their spirits are taken by the gods, in the form of the winds taken up to the heavens while their bodies fall forever into the bottomless chasm. Conan asks why the hell they drag their slaves into this, too which Iasmini explains that the slaves are considered (along with the houses) part of them and thus that the slaves who give them life should join in the next world.) Conan asks if they are insane, and Iasmini states that she thinks they are just bored, and argues that if Conan were to have lived forever and had every luxury vice whim and diversion imagine granted over the centuries he'd probably grow sick of it too. Conan states that he can't imagine growing so tired he'd end it by choice and basically offers to spend the next few hours ******* her brains out, which Iasmini is quite receptive too (since she hasn't had the pleasure of a real man in years. She also reveals that her master used to rape her. charming). Conan spoils the mood by demanding more of the leaf so that Niord and the others can be freed. Iasmini states that its impossible, but Conan demands that he can't just leave the men he's come to see as brothers to the whims of madmen who would have them turned into monsters or made to jump off a cliff. Iasmini tells Conan that she's the instrument of his escape and that he's in no position to make demands, but conan grabs her arm and tells her that their relationship is a bargain not love and that he will only help her if she gives him leaf for his friends. Refusal will mean he leaves her and tries something else. Iasmini relents and invites him to continue the sex. She tells him that he should come with her to Turan and that her family has a villa on the vilayet sea which he'd like. Conan realizes that he's fallen in love with Iasmini after all and begins to consider going with her to Turan after they escape.

More time passes and Conan starts to slip the leaf into his friends food to get them off the lotus. By day he continues to learn the art of war while by night he learns more of the city and looks for a way out. Sadly there aren't any obvious ways out. While observing a villa he realizes that in a perverse way Hyperborea IS the paradise grandpa told him about, but that it's only for the elite. Even worse its at the cost of slaves. "A heaven built on the backs of its victims". He goes into the sewer system since its about time to investigate, past the labs where the yellow lotus is made into food to the catacombs. He comes across corpses all while the smell grows stronger.....and promptly notices the two guards in the room along with the slave master. One of the guys on the slab says Conan's name and despite one of the soldiers proclamations that Conan isn't armed Conan quickly manages to take them out. He recognizes the now deceased man as Gorm and confronts the overseer demanding why there are corpses and unusual machines. The bastard begs for mercy, saying that he's a slave like Conan and was just assigned to this duty. Conan asks and the guy explains that when slaves are no longer useful their souls are taken out and used to power the spells. The immortal life? The winds? all powered by the souls of the slaves. Conan is so overcome with fury that he breaks the guy's neck in spite of his pleas for mercy. Meanwhile Iasmini is offering Aishti'ana pomegranates but the guy (rather pretentiously) states that even the act of chewing pomegranates is tedious. A guard bursts in and informs Aishti'ana that there is an intruder who has killed two guards and an "extractor lord". Aishti'ana says he has to deal with it, but Iasmini (realizing Conan is the intruder tries to dissuade him by saying its nothing. Aishti'ana says that he'll take care of it and summons lions to kill Conan (he can't care about collateral damage). He than has come to an epiphany; since his house is his body he has to take care of it. An intruder means he hasn't taken care of it and the only reason he hasn't taken care of it is because he doesn't worry enough about it. He doesn't care. He will deal with the disarray so as not to leave an untidy house. Iasmini asks what he means, to which he responds that Iasmini may make arrangements. Aishti'ana has decided to enact his "Day of Farewell".

Reviews: This is a difficult issue. At times the art is rather weak (Conan's hand vanishes in one panel, and Iasmini's eye looks closed rather than open) and after reading the Hyperborean forum I realize that this kingdom is not similar enough to Howard's version. Conan failing to notice the three men in the room until he was in there was a "come on really" moment. However, the depiction of the corrupt nature of the paradise is phenomenal and shows civilization at its most decadent. The hyperboreans can't even care about life anymore so they end it all because they have everything. If you have everything there is nothing to strive for. The true reveal of what happens to the old is horrifying and I can totally understand Conan snapping Bartak's neck. Hyperborea may be heaven, but the description of it being built on the backs of innocents is all too accurate. 7.5-8.0. If this takes place in another sword and sorcery verse it would be a damn good story on the dark side of civilization.


Issue #5: Ashes from a Great Fire

The issue opens with Conan being cornered by the lions summoned at the end of last issue. Realizing he can’t beat all 4 due to the speed Conan beats a hasty retreat and throws himself out a window, praying to Ymir that there is a rooftop underneath. Up above Aishti’ana is informed that there is no new information because the lions keep anyone from going down. He dismisses Iasmini and than wonders why people are making a fuss over a simple intruder. Aishti’ana touches a skull and we are transported via flashback to the past. We see the primitive Hyperboreans fight off an army of snow gorillas, build castles, and as time passes learning magic in order to maintain their invincibility. Guess this is when things started to go south.

Iasmini returns to her room and finds Conan there (fortunately there was a rooftop. Evidently Ymir didn’t mind Conan ganking his sons and trying to rape Atali under the influence.) Iasmini gives Conan a salve to heal his wounds, and while Conan is initially dismissive he changes his tune when Iasmini drops a bombshell. The day of farewell for Aishti’ana will be held tomorrow, and that means every one of the slaves (Iasmini, the Aesir) will die. Conan demands more of the leaf since his friends aren’t waking up with enough speed. Iasmini protests that it isn’t safe and suggests that she and conan just leave the aesir behind. Conan is outraged by this, since he and the others have bonded. Iasmini apologizes and Conan comforts her by saying that they will give the Hyperboreans a black eye and escape laughing to the vilayet telling lies, before asking for the leaf again.

Back in his main room Aishti’ana is informed that the hunt has failed, and rudely dismisses his servant (though he does regret it even if he doesn’t say it.) Holding his grandfather’s skull, he tells him that it wasn’t like this back in his grandpa’s day. We see another flashback where a warrior declares Hyperborea will be a place of learning, acoompanied by descriptions of how there was so much joy and passion than. We also see the hints of the rot setting in, as Aishti’ana thinks it natural for the people they defeat to be used to fuel their magics. Hyperborea develops into a paradise, and we see the previously normal hyperboreans becoming the gaunt monsters they are now. Even the Black Ring has come to learn from them and their armies provide them slaves. The flashback ends with Aishti’ana saying that the slaves contribute to their knowledge and asks if it is a noble purpose.

Iasmini is sitting in her room in her undergarments wondering if she should flee on her own before dismissing the idea. She assures herself that Conan and his friends will flee. In the arena Conan waits for the leaves (which he slipped into the food of his friends) to take effect and admitting that he would usually love learning new weapons and training but not as a slave. We get some passages where Conan compares sell swordism with slavery and reflecting that its no wonder the armies are so feared if they are only ever training or fighting, only to be replaced if you die or your use runs out. Thinking about Gorm angers Conan but at this moment one of the warriors Conan is sparring with (Thialf) regains consciousness. Conan explains the situation in whispers and tells Thialf to fill in everyone else.

We get a flashback of the first ever day of farewell, when a man named Sima’dah dropped his parchment and hurled himself off the building into the void. Unusually there is little shock. People seem wistful if anything and they discuss it like data. However three more people do the same within a year and soon after the idea becomes an official event with people gathering around them like a parade audience and the slaves being dragged in. Aishti’ana reflects that it has been “only” 500 years since Sima’dha committed suicide.

Meanwhile the overseer figures out that the aesir are awakening (since its impossible for conan to coordinate things perfectly and as such some are becoming more undisciplined and talking amongst themselves in a conspicuous way) and calls the guards.. Conan impales the bastard with a thrown sword to keep him from casting a spell, but unfortunately the guy was heard and as the horns blow the guards rush in. Conan muses that fate is a fickle mistress and rallies his men.

A guard informs Aishti’ana of the uprising. Aishti’ana orders the guard to dispatch platoons and the senior under wizards and than goes back to brooding and wondering why things went so tedious. As Conan leads the men in revolt cursing the Hyperboreans and taunting them Aishti’ana ends the issue by wondering “where did it all go?”

Review: Things definately heat up in this issue, as Conan and the Aesir launch their insurrection. Aside from a few darkly humorous moments (conan praying to ymir) this is a somber issue. Conan’s promises to Iasmini are noble but come across as the desperate promises of a young man. Surprisingly I found myself most drawn to Aishti’ana, as we see that there are embers of humanity (he feels bad about being needlessly cruel to the guard and admits that the paradise has lost its way becoming a boring shell.) The flashbacks of how Hyperborea came to be are very well done, showing the rise of the civilization and their fall into decadence. The stage is set for the conclusion. 8.5 out of 10.


Issue #6: Day of Farewell

Recap: At first the battle seems to be going well for Conan and his friends, but the usage of "at first" implies that this won't last for long. The newly awakened state is countered by the narrow streets giving them an advantage over the defenders and as Conan leads the forces Niord laughs that the Hyperboreans rely too much on walls. Conan interrupts Niords ramblings of how weak the Hyperboreans are to wonder where Iasmini is. We are shown a flashback of Conan and Iasmini in bed as Iasmini gives Conan the leaf and instructions on how to disperse it. She warns Conan that she can’t predict how quickly it will work in large doses, to which Conan responds that onceI it worksthings will escalate. Conan tells her that she will hear the commotion and to slip away and meet him by the statue of the fish along a stair. Iasmini recognizes it and tells Conan that she will be ready just to let it happen swiftly.


In the present Niord tells Conan to find Iasmini since he owes her a kiss “and by audhambla’s dugs man I’m not giving it to you to deliver.” However Iasmini is not at the stair. Conan assumes that maybe she was delayed but decides that whatever reason it is doesn’t matter since he won’t abandon his friends or her. He’s optimistic as he claims the stairs to an alcove; imagining the future the two will have together, while Niord and his followers move to break the gates below. Conan notices something….and unfortunately it ain’t good. The undermages arrive and start incapacitating the aesir (since they don’t have bows). Conan is determined to stop them but is accosted by two guards. Conan effortless kills the first but in the process of killing the second, they both fall off the high alcove. Conan survives but is knocked out. He awakens to an unknown sound….and is horrified to realize that it is the horns used to signify the day of farewell. Realizing that Iasmini and Niord are in the procession he races after them, managing to catch up to them and stand in front of Aishti’ana sword raised. However the enormity of his situation (one man against a city) sinks in. Aishti’ana isn’t even intimidated and declaring that Conan shall not interfere uses his magic to yank Conan back and slam him to the ground (why didn’t he push Conan off the ledge? maybe he thought it would send Conan to the gods and didn’t think Conan deserved that?)

As the procession passes over Conan he desperately tries to stop them but can’t do anything. He sees Niord and Iasmini amongst the procession, realizing to his horror why Iasmini didn’t meet him. In order to give Conan the amount of plant to free the Aesir she gave him her entire stash…leaving none for her to fend off the lotus. She was hoping Conan would be able to free her and that her freedom would last long enough so that Conan could do so. Conan overcomes his injuries and rushes after them….but it is too late. Iasmini and the others have jumped. Conan stares at the chasm and turns around after a while….only to see the guards and an undermage facing him. The underage wants to know how Conan freed himself (maybe that’s why Aishti’ana didn’t kill him.) Conan curses them and jumps off of the walkway. At first one of the observing Hyperborean noblemen thinks Conan is dead but a guard looks and notices that Conan has grabbed a rock hold and is climbing down the canyon (though how Conan climbed that fast is a mystery. Than again Cimmerians are supposed to be great climbers.) The guard offers to plug Conan with arrows but the nobleman says no; the chasm is bottomless. If the gods don’t make him fall he’ll only be able to climb up.

Conan descends down the canyon, and as he does a strong smell begins to emanate. Conan finally arrives at the bottom and is treated to a gruesome sight. Various skeletons, his comrade’s bodies…and flesh eating insects devouring the fresh corpses. Conan drives the insects away and decides that if this is the “glorious reward” the hyperboreans think awaits them, and if the insects are their gods than they deserve it for eternity. He finds Iasmini “her eyes open, and dull with lost hope”, and after somberly reflecting that she trusted him is interrupted by Niord (who is somehow still alive.) Conan apologizes for failing him but Niord doesn’t blame him. It was the hyperboreans who killed him and the others. Conan did the best he could and thats all Ymir asks (seems Ymir is more forgiving than Crom). He asks Conan for a final boon and dies. Conan gathers flint and steel from a conveniently placed pouch and a lot of kindling and than burns the bodies of Iasmini and the Aesir in a massive bonfire (leaving Aishti’ana’s corpse to be eaten by the insects. There’s a touching scene where Conan hopes that the Aesir gods will accept Iasmini or see her to her own gods. Conan bids a final farewell and climbs out, determined to at least make Sjarl and Einar pay.


Review: If I had to sum this issue up with a word I would choose heartbreaking. Conan’s time in Hyperborea comes to its tragic conclusion. Conan’s desperate plan to save his friends fails and its only due to chance that he isn’t recaptured. There are plot holes here and there but the story is so god damned tragic that I can overlook them. As blasphemous as it sounds I actually prefer this version to whatever one Howard may have had. The depiction of the corrupt paradise captures civilization’s decadence as well as anything RE howard does, and the heartbreak that Conan endures is easily one of the darkest in any pastiches. Anyone who complains that Conan is invincible need only read these issues. Even better, one could even see how such an incident would effect Conan in a believable way, from his hatred of hyperboreans and magic to the need to never abandon a friend or someone depending on him. A 9 out of 10.

[lordyam]

ssue #7: Blood for Blood

Recap: As Conan navigates the ferocious snowstorm he's haunted by visions of Iasmini; we see him promise her that they will escape....than her broken corpse at the bottom of the chasm. Fortunately, despite the lack of food Conan is able to find water and wood for a fire to survive the night. As he continues his living thoughts are of Iasmini and Niord (accompanied by a flashback of Niord asking for a pyre so that the souls of the Aesir will not be dragged down to the cold lands beneath the earth.) In sleep he's haunted by the hyperboreans and the machines) but most importantly of all with making Einar and Sjarl pay.

Eventually Conan reaches a village in Bryunthia, interrupting a perverts attempt to flirt with the innkeeper's daughter. The Innkeeper recognizes Conan as speaking the Aesir tongue, but also that Conan ain't Aesir. Conan uses gold (that he evidently scavanged from the corpses in the canyon) and procures food and lodges, as well as information. Eventually he reaches his fifth village in Bryunthia, and realizes that the reckoning will occur here. He encounters Sjarl and calls him out. Sjarl tries to play dumb and say how glad he is that Conan is alive (while holding a dagger behind his back), but Conan isn't having it and impales the bastard in full view of everyone in the square. He informs Sjarl that his "brothers" are dead and condemns him for his betrayal. As the crowd gathers Conan sees Einar in the crowd and chases after him. Eventually Einar trips and starts grovelling as Conan catches up to him. Unfortunately his words (That Conan was the only one who was supposed to be captured but the hyperboreans came early) is the wrong thing to say. Conan is horrified and asks Sjarl to confirm it. Sjarl does and as he begs for mercy Conan impales him through the mouth with his broadsword.

The local magistrate (Who also owns the inn the two stayed at) gets angry and rants about how there are laws in Bryunthia. Conan is furious and yells at the magistrate about how the two condemned their brothers to death out of cowardice and announces that they deserved to die and that he will kill all who stand with them. The Magistrate wisely realizes that pissing Conan off is bad and instead changes his tune that since they were not bryunthian the law doesn't apply to them and offering Conan a drink.

As Conan enjoys his drink he realizes that killing Sjarl and Einar has not assuaged the pain of failure; iasmini and the others are still dead and hyperborea still stands. A comely wench offers company but Conan isn't in the mood (I have to compliment Busiek and say that this is a natural reaction. Conan's lost one of the first loves of his life and his friends; to have him just **** this girl would negate all that and render it hollow). She tells him that he has the look of a man who has travelled far and seen much, to which Conan responds "Farther than you know woman, and more" before giving her a gold coin and telling her to leave. At night Conan is tormented by visions of Gorm, the hyperboreans and the insects that eat corpses. He awakes with bile in his stomach and considers leaving and returning to Cimmeria. He decides against it and that he will see more of it, since he's seen good and evil. The comely wench asks where Conan is going, to which he replies Nemedia. She tells him that Sjarl and Einar left money at the inn and that the innkeeper is hoping Conan won't make an issue. Conan tells her to keep it, since he doesn't want their blood money. When she asks what to do with the bodies he tells her to bury them in the cold earth. Ouch. Conan walks off into the sunset and his part in the issue ends.

At this point the prologue for the next arc begins as an unknown figure breaks into the Dion Pirenus's villa in poitan (taking out an unfortunate sentry in the process.) The figure (Revealed to be a woman) travels through the estate until she enters a room....at which point bright lights flood the room and she is revealed to be surrounded by guards. She drops to her knees and a fat man (revealed to be Pirenus) delivers a bit of exposition about how her name is Janissa the Widowmaker and that the Bone Woman sent her to kill him before saying that he has resources and that he isn't as incompetant as she thinks. He tells her that he tried to buy the Duke's advisors but failed and even returned the money with interest so why can't she leave him alone? He realizes that this isn't going anywhere and orders his men to kill her. Janis brandishes some blade like objects and hurls them into three of the men before going to town and slaughtering the rest. Pirenus realizes he has no chance and flees like a sissy.....only to find Janissa waiting in his office (wtf? This is like looney tunes). In an admittedly cool scene Janissa tells him that he's a fool since even if he killed her no one can escape the bone woman before hurling a knife into his kneck as he tries to flee. As she reaches to loot the corpse a voice tells her that there is no need, since she felt him die. She than tells Janissa that she is needed elsewhere. Janissa asks where, to which the voice says Nemedia.

Review: The arc comes to a bloody conclusion as Conan destroys Sjarl and Einar for their betrayal. Sadly even avenging his friends has not brought him peace, and he even considers giving up. Fortunately Conan doesn't and continues on his way. This is a lot less action packed but it works. Conan has lost those close to him and the story shows that it will continue to haunt him for a long time. The way he asks that Sjarl and Einar be buried is a great callback, since it shows how little Conan thinks of the gutless traitors.

We also get introduced to Janissa one of Busiek's more....controversial additions. Her intro is kinda cool but not as cool as Busiek intended (though the speech she gives the bastard before ganking him is awesome.) Even when I was 13 I thought Janissa's outfit was stupid. But more on her later.

Overall I'll give it an 8/10.

[lordyam]

Issue #8: Born on the Battlefield Part 1



Recap: We open with the Prince asking the Wazir about Conan's childhood. The Wazir says that the Nemedian Chronicles are in disarray and don't really tell about a backwater like Cimmeria. The Prince presses him, pointing out that Conan rose from barbarism to become head of the single most Kingdom in the world. Surely the Nemedian chronicles would be interested in his background. The Wazir concedes that there were some accounts made by Conan's wife Zenobia, but Thoth tries to say that even if they are true she didn't see it so it's probably exaggerated and myth making. The prince doesn't care, and the Wazir reluctantly starts to read, cursing "gods of blood and pain" under his breath at one point.

Now we get to a flashback of a Cimmerian killing a Vanir. We get a blurb about how there were always raids of some kind. Sometimes it was with the aesir or vanir; sometimes it was feuds with other clans. This time it's a Vanir raid. It also says that while the women fought the women waited as women did. "record screech". Okay, that's horseshit. In Black Colossus Conan is shocked when he learns that Yasmela isn't fighting with her soldiers; even if Howard hadn't said it outright that implied women in Cimmeria took part in wars just as much as their hubbies. It's moments like this that make me think Busiek might have a sexist streak. Of course he may have just assumed that the cimmerians were like other barbarian societies that didn't have women fighting, but it's still an error.

Anyway, the narration does state that women fight when needed and we get a damn awesome scene of a pregnant woman running a vanir through with a spear as he stands over her hubby ready to chop him with an axe. As she stands over the Vanir panting she starts going into labor and her husband calls out for his friends to form a wall...he wants the first sight his son sees to be dead Vanirmen. Ultimately the wall of men does their job and eventually the woman Fialla gives birth. The people are all impressed, with many predicting a great future (even though Conan was born a month early. Though in fairness it has been proven that early pregnancy is only bad if it's 6 or 7 months. Conan would have been healthy) while Fialla likes her son's beautiful blue eyes.

The narration continues about how hard life in Cimmeria is, but also states that conan grew quickly. As we see Conan grow we see him do chores, and the narration describes how he even carried messages and worked the forge as a boy. We see Fialla telling her son "Crom watches us to make sure we use the strength we were gifted with." and we see Conan's grandpappy telling Conan a story about theft they performed in Ophir, since even Cimmerians don't work all hours of the day. We also see Conan and a couple of others playing in the rain, since even Cimmerians allowed their children to play. As Conan is telling the others what they will play, another boy calls out announcing that they have snacks and that the first to reach him gets them. Conan naturally wins the race, and also hears the praise from the father of one of the children (lamenting that he has daughters). As Conan passes them out another boy named Donal insists HE should do it, but Conan says he should "climb faster".

As Conan and his father pass the boys practicing with weapons (they start at 7) Conan asks why he can't join them, since he's smarter than Donal and bigger then Gwydd. Conan's dad says he's growing well, and that his time at the bellows makes him strong but it's not his time. Conan later looks at the weapons and wonders if his advanced knowledge is from his birth or the fact he spends his time in a smithy listening to the people who use them (personally I like the smithy explanation.) On another day a girl named Tarra is telling Conan that one of their friends Giall has apples, but Conan says that he has to do his chores (stitching leather for the bellows making tools) when Conan's dad tells his son to go off for now. He'll take care of the chores. (Some things remain constant in both civilization and barbarism.) As Conan and Tarra run off Conan's mom and dad watch from the window, with Fialla commenting that Conan is liked and looked up to by all the kids, even those older than him. Conan's dad initially tries to tell her not to be concerned but Fialla says she's proud. Even if she's barren and Conan's the only child she'll have she's proud. She's also thinking that maybe there is something to the omen of Conan being born on the battlefield.

Sadly, there are some who don't like Conan or his family. In a house Donal's father is bitching about how Conan's father Conaldar thinks he's better than everyone, while Donal bitches that Conan's the same. Donal's dad says that he's the biggest kid in the group and that he needs to let Conan know who's boss. Donal agrees and says "of course I do." The next time Conan and his friends are going over the game to play (we also get names and a brief personality overview for Conan's friends. Donal, Bullish and slow but quick to anger, Eamha, always ready with a joke, Giall, Nimble and Eager, and Tarra who runs like a deer) Donal interrupts Conan and bitches about how Conan thinks's he's better than everyone else and that he's the biggest and he's the oldest and he's started training with a sword so HE should decide how they play. Conan shuts him up by asking "All right. What do we play, Donal? Borderers? Vanirmen?" Donal, being slow, can't answer and tackles Conan while yelling "YOU THINK YOU'RE SO SMART!" (yeah, real grown up of you Donal [​IMG] ). The other kids are shocked and tackle Donal, who throws them off and picks up a rock, ranting "Born on the battlefield. Born in the mud. You think I'm the Tanner's son, I smell bad, so I'm nothing? What are you going to do, Conan? Turn and Run, like a coward?" Conan doesn't, but given Donal's size, strength and harshness is still a little afraid. Nevertheless he remains calm and calls out to Eamha (having seen him pick up a rock). Eamha throws a rock at Donal, hitting him in the head, and when Donal charges another boy Tuathal (wait where did he come) also beans Donal. Donal calls them cowards, but Conan tells him to leave and that he's no longer welcome. Donal temporarily concedes and leaves.

The text narrates that Conan was a little scared but that when he saw Eamha pick the rock up he remembered what Enthrall said about strength in numbers and how it helped win Carrach's ford. Giall wonders about Donal coming back and Conan says they'll be ready and stand together. If Donal goes after one of them they all gang up on him and beat the shit out of him. Nevertheless there's less time for play and Conan continues to wonder about what "Born on the battlefield" means. He's accepting of the kids looking up to him, but hearing the other adults talk about him weirds him out. One day Conan's father tells Conan to deliver a knife to Cruaidh, and Conan agrees. Conan joins Tarra, who is delivering Meat pasties made by her mother. Donal, hiding behind a tree, leaps onto conan and hits him, wielding rocks in his fists as he hits Conan. Conan tells Tarra to get help, and Donal keeps hitting, saying that Conan's mom "was too stupid to stay off the field and his father "wasn't good enough." "An' you think that makes you special!" He childishly wines that his daddy think's Conaldar is a puffed up cock and how he says the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. He calls Conan "a blighted apple from a blighted tree." As Donal hits Conan Conan reaches out and grabs the blade he dropped, remembering what one of his dad's customers was saying in the forge earlier.

Conan grabs the knife and whirls on Donal, cutting him badly. Conan gives Donal a chance to run but Donal is so blinded with rage he refuses to listen and charges. Tarra arrives with the others, and they see Conan standing with the knife and Donal huddled in fetal position. Conan tells Donal's dad to tend to him, since he's injured and walks away.

Review: I have mixed feelings about this issue. For the most part it's pretty good, but Busiek's assumption about women not fighting in Cimmeria yanked me out of the story. It's like his other adaptations. He does a great job spinning a yarn but there's always something that yanks you out of the story and damages the idea that it's a hyborian tale. Conan's fight with Donal and his dynamic with the other kids? Awesome. But the assumption about women is so glaring I can't overlook it. 7 out of 10.

[lordyam]

Issue #9: Two Nemedian's walk into a bar

Recap: We open with an old woman staring into the fire, where Conan's face is prominently displayed. The woman (obviously the bone woman) gives a monologue about how Conan is far from his home yet drives on driven y needs he can't comprehend. Eyes on the horizon wants to drink the worlds pleasures and prove himself etc. Concluding that he is a man of destiny and that for good or will he has the potential to shake the very world. However there are others who walk with heavy tread and cast shadows and that his path and another draws close and that it will be interesting to see what happens when this occurs (all this is accompanied by nice visuals). Very fierce introduction overall

We than cut to two nemedians (one black haired and one blonde haired) shaking down a poor sap (all this is overlaid with a qupte from the nemedian chronicles). One of the two nemedians taunts the merchant about how light his purse is before boasting about how travelers risk the blades of the bold thieves of bertinus. Conan interrupts with a grunt, to which one of the duo insults Conan and asks if Conan doesn't care for them. Conan retorts that he enjoys seeing "a pair of pups down a chick and declare themselves mighty forest wolves. I know little of your ways, town dwellers but what you just did, ymir did you really think that bold." The blonde Nemedian dares Conan to say it again to their faces…..and Conan is only too willing to oblige. Blonde guy quickly regains his bravado and insults Conan before pulling a knife….and quickly gets his ass handed to him when Conan lifts him up and hurls him into his compatriot. Conan calls them weak and tells them they don’t know what it means to be bold. They go “oh yeah” and Conan proceeds to start telling them a tale so they can judge for themselves.

In the flashback Conan is entering the town of Bertinus and admiring the few sights worth seeing when a magistrate almost runs him down and gets mud on him. Conan insults the guy, to which the magistrate hits Conan in the face with his scepter. Conan continues insulting him so the Magistrate orders his men to beat conan up and drop him in the gutters. Unsurprisingly, Conan kicks all their asses causing the magistrate to call the watchmen and flees. Conan realizes he can’t take them all on so he takes out a few and than scales the wall. The two nemedians are skeptical but then two women who are also in the bar confirm that its true. The streets are filled with talk. The only difference is they claimed it was 5 outlanders. Conan confirms it and asks for ale for him and wine for the ladies (in the panel Janissa is quietly observing or rather listening from the booth behind Conan.)

Back in the story uses word of mouth to find the magistrate (revealed to be named attarus.) Conan describes his house as gaudy saying that armed forts in the north are smaller. He gets in by scaling the walls, since Nemedians are weaker climbers than Cimmerians.

At another booth a blond man named Aztrias and his friend Tinna are listening in. Tina is offended by Conan’s attitude but Aztrias wants to listen in. Conan continues the story, describing how he climbed in the windows and quickly incapacitated the guards who were inside. Conan than enters the magistrates room to find the magistrate sleeping in only a kilt of some kind under a blanket, taunts the guy and than hits him in the face. The magistrate asks what Conan will do, and Conan admits that while he was going to kill the guy he just can’t get satisfaction killing a fat bald guy groveling for mercy. He does take the guys staff and collar and when Atallus protests Conan smashes him in the face with the scepter knocking him out cold. Before leaving.

Back in the present the two thieves are skeptical and call him a liar…..to which Conan opens a sack showing the collar and scepter. The two thieves take out their swords and lift the loot off of Conan while taunting him. However, its at this moment that the city guard breaks in….and see our two dumbasses with the treasure. The two protest that it’s not them and turn to point at Conan…..who has pulled a batman and vanished. The guards call the two thieves idiots, saying that they’ve been trying to sell their goods in a half dozen places in the quarter, and that they’ll hang for this. The two thieves desperately try to claim it was Conan, but everyone else in the bar lies and claims that there was no Cimmerian. The two men are led out and Conan emerges from behind a curtain. The women and one of the other witnesses ask if he planned all that and Conan admits that no it was just dumb luck. The Merchant being shared down earlier offers to buy Conan drinks tow which Conan agrees provided the ladies are given some as wel. Asturias approaches Conan and offers Conan a job to steal something in Numalia. Conan agrees provided the gold is good.

The issue ends with Janissa communicating with the bone woman. Janissa thinks Conan is rough but acknowledges his cunning. The bone woman agrees with the assessment and tells her to follow Conan to Numalia because “great forces tilt and sway precariously. The balance point is there or will be soon and our young and spirited bull is changing straight for it.

Review: Overall this was a serviceable enough issue. I can see why a comedic issue was needed after the darkness that was the Hyperborean arc but overall it just seems like filler. Servicable filler but filler nonetheless. Still the art is good and there is an implication that the two thieves will be released since the magistrate won’t recognize them. All in all it does its job well enough. 7 out of 10.