My Idea for a Conan Tv Series
Oct 19, 2016 15:50:23 GMT -5
Post by lordyam on Oct 19, 2016 15:50:23 GMT -5
Hypothetically it's 2018. Game of Thrones has just ended. HBO needs another big money maker and they choose Conan the Barbarian. You are allowed a Maximum of TEN seasons to carry the series. Each episode is about 60 minutes long, maybe 70 on occasion. Inevitably SOME changes are going to have to be made both to avoid inconsistencies and redundancies AND because they don't want a shitshow from critics (let's face it, there are elements in Conan stories that even people who aren't fairly PC would be shocked at.) That might mean chaining it so that Devil in Iron comes before Xuthal of the Dusk, or having Drums of Tombalku take place right after Xuthal of the Dusk. Thoth Amon may be built up a little more (not to much but enough to show he's there and a threat.) Some changes may need to be made to other countries to avoid accusations of racism (again, tumblr and other newspapers can be VERY merciless on the subject). A few characters from pastiches may be put in, albeit with overhauls. So without further ado.......
Pilot: This would be longer than usual (1.5-2 hours) and basically introduces Conan to the audience. We see his birth on the battlefield, him learning the stories of the south and west from his grandfather. He badassedly displays his prowess (snapping the bull's neck, winning many ladies); things culminate in Venarium; Conan and the others infiltrate on a trading mission. Conan manages to gain entrance to the Governor's mansion by seducing his young daughter Arianne and than searching the house while she's asleep. Learning that Venarium plans to exterminate them, the Cimmerians gather and launch an attack on the settlement. Most Aquilonian colonists are killed but Conan allows Arianne and her father to go free. Conn is mortally wounded in the battle and dies later. Conan buries his grandfather and decides to first head north.
Season 1:
Episode 1: This would be largely based on the first 2 issues of Darkhorse; Conan meets the Aesir and comes to respect them; he even volunteers to help them pursue Vanir raiders (we also get an adaptation of Frost Giant's daughter.) Unfortunately Sjarl begins to grow jealous of Conan; the episode culminates in Sjarl and Einar betraying everyone and them getting captured by Hyperboreans
Episode 2: Conan and the others are captured thanks to Sjarl and Einar's betrayal. In captivity Conan meets a Hyrkanian adventurer, who tells Conan about the east to pass the time. They conspire to escape with the rest of the Aesir but things go balls up. Conan is the only one who escapes, with the adventurer sacrificing his life to buy Conan time. A short time later, Conan is in Brythunia, having tracked down Sjarl and Einar. He brutally kills them and then buries their corpses in the earth as a final fuck you.
Episode 3: The God in the Bowl: we get an adaptation of God in the Bowl; the episode concludes with a extended fight with the man snake (Since lets be real having conan leap forward and slice it’s head off would be lame in tv land). We also see Conan describing everything in flashbacks.
Episode 4: The City of Thieves: After getting swindled of some travellers he befriended Conan decides he’s not going to get swindled anymore and goes to the city of Zamora. Conan has a rough time of it, but ultimately learns about a fence and after outplaying Raffir manages to do business with Osshur
Episode 5: The Tower of the Elephant: Conan hears the legends of the Tower and it’s powers from a court secretary he’s befriended (the guy likes to sneak into the slums for hookers). (this is the first ten minutes) Later in the tavern we get the scene with Kardos the Kothian. Conan decides to try his luck with the tower; the last 40 minutes are Conan meeting Taurus and going through the tower, the spider fight and finally concluding with Yaga Kosha’s plight and Conan helping him get his revenge on Yara. The episode ends with the tower shattering into glass
Episode 6: The Magistrate’s Wife: Conan’s star is on the rise in Zamora as his hits grow more daring. Unfortunately, things get a little too heady; we find out that Conan’s done his job SO well that the guard has gotten off their ass and are actually doing their jobs. Conan boasts about how he slept with the wife of Magistrate Surna. His ladyfriend Jiara is not pleased by this and so she sabotages Conan’s attempt to raid Silius’s counting house; the next 20 minutes are Conan trying to arrange a heist but being thwarted by Nestor (adapts 24-25 with a few changes)
Episode 7: Halls of the Dead: Basically what it says; ends with Conan and Jiara fleeing after Conan accidentally kills Surna via magic
Episode 8: The Gunderman: Conan heads to the city of Thessala. He meets Nestor in the city by chance and they decide to go into business
Episode 9: Nestor is betrayed and murdered; Conan brutally murders the priest of Anu but gets betrayed by Jiara; Murilo, having noticed Conan last episode arranges to have him sprung. We get the first part of the adaptation; the issue ends with Thak roaring and lunging at Murilo.
Episode 10: Conan infiltrates the house and manages to sneak in; from there we get the rest of the adaptation. The episode ends with Conan cutting Nestor down from the gallows, sneaking his corpse out and burying his medallion with him.
Season 2:
Episode 1: Journey to the East: Conan heads east into Turan, remembering what his friend from back in episode 2 said about his home. He gets involved in local intrigue, accidentally derailing an attempt by a greedy nobleman to discredit another noble. Conan is arrested but in light of his accidental saving the day he's given the option of enlisting. Figuring that it beats hard labor Conan agrees.
Episode 2: Conan spends time with the Turanian army. He learns the way of the bow, and one of his fellow soldiers agrees to teach him hyrkanian and other languages; he distinguishes himself on the campaign trail, but also starts an affair with Iasmini (the daughter of his commanding officer); this gets him found out and he and Iasmini are sentenced to death (she was due to marry a high ranking officer and Conan spoiled her virginity). Conan's friend Altan and other members of the unit help them escape, and Iasmini flees with into the desert with Altan. Conan decides to return back East.
Episode 3: The Ibis and the Serpent: Looking to head back west, Conan gets waylaid in a Hyrkanian town; he meets Kalanthes (on a mission returning from Hyrkania) and manages to get himself on by mentioning the Man Snake. Kalanthes accepts Conan since his story checks out and having already bested a snake man would be a good asset to have; Conan must also contend with the mysterious Janissa the Widowmaker (overhauled to remove the demon rape and make her more well rounded), an assassin serving another master. In the final battle of Hanumar, the two work together to defeat Thoth's avatar. Conan is given gold and heads south.
Episode 4: Yaralet Part 1: Conan, having bought better armor and weaponry with the money Kalanthes gave him, joins the army of Koth. His unit is assigned to escort Princess Ereshka to Yaralet for her wedding. We also are intercut with scenes of Ereshka befriending a young mage girl Iniri. When shit goes to hell Iniri forces Ereshka into a trunk and allows herself to get captured
Episode 5: Yaralet Part 2: Conan finds Ereshka, and she persuades Conan to help her rescue Iniri (Conan is sincerely impressed to meet a noble who genuinely gives a rats ass about the poor); they go in and stop Atalis from summoning Nergal. Later, Strabonus moves in to occupy the city. Conan is given a small pittance for his service (thus earning Strabonus Conan's hatred) but Ereshka promises to repay Conan for his services.
Episode 6: Black Colossus 1: We start with the fall of Kuthchemes and then Shevetas unintentionally awakening Nathok. Conan, meanwhile falls in with Amalric and the Free Companies. He bonds with the men but his turbulent nature puts him somewhat at odds with Amalric. They make their way to the south, where rumors of war are brewing. The episode ends with Nathok making his first visit to Yasmela (the episode is intercut with scenes of Nathok rising to power.
Episode 7: Black Colossus 2: Everything from Vateesa and Yasmela going to the temple to the coin being shown.
Episode 8: Battle of Shamla pass and Conan pursuing Nathok to the shrine. The fight scene is a little more extended but otherwise unchanged
Episode 9: Liberation: Conan is starting to chafe being "mister queen" and learns from Yasmela that Khossus has been handed over to Koth. Conan calls in his favor with Ereshka and assembles a crew of his free companions to free Khossus. They pull it off and Conan leaves Yasmela after one last round in the hay. Conan meets Sergius and gains his hatred after disgracing him.
Episode 10: Conan's Day in Court: This episode is told largely in flashbacks of Conan telling his story to the judge. Ends with Conan splitting the bastard's skull and riding away.
Season 3
The Queen of the Black Coast: Conan gets on the argus and becomes part of the crew; the entire episode is spent building up to Belit. At the end she shows up.
The Queen of the Black Coast Part 2: The Argus and the Tigress engage in battle; Conan manages to make enough of an impression for Belit to offer a job. Conan accepts. The rest of the episode is Conan bonding with the crew (one of the few things Brian Wood did right during his run) and becoming part of the team. This would be done to making Conan joining more acceptable
Episode 3: Conan and Belit clash with Thuthmekri (From Jewels of Gwahalur) over something or other. This establishes the rivalry that will come into play in Jewels
Episode 4: Build up to the attack on Khemi; he breaks a Python's neck, and discovers the grotto that he will use in Hour of the Dragon;
Episode 5: Khemi: Basically Conan and Belit launching an attack on Khemi and burning it's fleet after looting many of the ships dry.
Episode 6: Pirate Adventure: We learn more about Belit's past (elements of her backstory)
Episode 7: The Death: Condensed adaptation of issues 10-12 of Brian Wood's run (the only part of the story besides issues 1-3 and 22-24 that doesn't suck donkey balls)
Episode 8: Abombi: Conan and Belit try to rebuild things by raiding Abombi. In the climax Conan faces his doubts and kills the chieftain. His brother shits his pants and flees in terror.
Episode 9: Mostly pirate stuff, but ends with the Zarkheba river and them deciding to go down it
Episode 10: The Song of Belit (Feature length 70 minute long episode): Chapters 2-5 of Queen of the Black Coast
Season 4:
Episodes 1 and 2: Basically Shadows over Kush; ends with Conan and Amra's bastards leaving
Episode 3: Conan and the others join the band of a rebel prince; when the guy declares peace
Episode 4: Massacre on the Illbars: Build up to the massacre, the massacre itself, and finally Conan getting his bloody revenge on Amurath.
Episode 5: Iron Shadows in the Moon Part 1
Episode 6: Iron Shadows in the Moon Part 2
Episode 7: Conan's men get fed up with him and organize a coup; Olivia persuades them to leave Conan alive.
Episode 8: The first half is Conan coming to Khauran; Conan befriends Taramis and gets the job; Constantius's arrival causes trouble. The final third is Salome taking over, the massacre in the square and Conan being captured.
Episode 9: First part is Conan being crucified. The second half is him gaining control of the Zuagir. He finds out from the letter that Valerius is trying to learn the truth. He starts devising a plan.
Episode 10: Final part; Conan besieges Khauran and ultimately due to his and Valerius's efforts the city is taken. Conan goes off with the Zuagir.
Pilot: This would be longer than usual (1.5-2 hours) and basically introduces Conan to the audience. We see his birth on the battlefield, him learning the stories of the south and west from his grandfather. He badassedly displays his prowess (snapping the bull's neck, winning many ladies); things culminate in Venarium; Conan and the others infiltrate on a trading mission. Conan manages to gain entrance to the Governor's mansion by seducing his young daughter Arianne and than searching the house while she's asleep. Learning that Venarium plans to exterminate them, the Cimmerians gather and launch an attack on the settlement. Most Aquilonian colonists are killed but Conan allows Arianne and her father to go free. Conn is mortally wounded in the battle and dies later. Conan buries his grandfather and decides to first head north.
Season 1:
Episode 1: This would be largely based on the first 2 issues of Darkhorse; Conan meets the Aesir and comes to respect them; he even volunteers to help them pursue Vanir raiders (we also get an adaptation of Frost Giant's daughter.) Unfortunately Sjarl begins to grow jealous of Conan; the episode culminates in Sjarl and Einar betraying everyone and them getting captured by Hyperboreans
Episode 2: Conan and the others are captured thanks to Sjarl and Einar's betrayal. In captivity Conan meets a Hyrkanian adventurer, who tells Conan about the east to pass the time. They conspire to escape with the rest of the Aesir but things go balls up. Conan is the only one who escapes, with the adventurer sacrificing his life to buy Conan time. A short time later, Conan is in Brythunia, having tracked down Sjarl and Einar. He brutally kills them and then buries their corpses in the earth as a final fuck you.
Episode 3: The God in the Bowl: we get an adaptation of God in the Bowl; the episode concludes with a extended fight with the man snake (Since lets be real having conan leap forward and slice it’s head off would be lame in tv land). We also see Conan describing everything in flashbacks.
Episode 4: The City of Thieves: After getting swindled of some travellers he befriended Conan decides he’s not going to get swindled anymore and goes to the city of Zamora. Conan has a rough time of it, but ultimately learns about a fence and after outplaying Raffir manages to do business with Osshur
Episode 5: The Tower of the Elephant: Conan hears the legends of the Tower and it’s powers from a court secretary he’s befriended (the guy likes to sneak into the slums for hookers). (this is the first ten minutes) Later in the tavern we get the scene with Kardos the Kothian. Conan decides to try his luck with the tower; the last 40 minutes are Conan meeting Taurus and going through the tower, the spider fight and finally concluding with Yaga Kosha’s plight and Conan helping him get his revenge on Yara. The episode ends with the tower shattering into glass
Episode 6: The Magistrate’s Wife: Conan’s star is on the rise in Zamora as his hits grow more daring. Unfortunately, things get a little too heady; we find out that Conan’s done his job SO well that the guard has gotten off their ass and are actually doing their jobs. Conan boasts about how he slept with the wife of Magistrate Surna. His ladyfriend Jiara is not pleased by this and so she sabotages Conan’s attempt to raid Silius’s counting house; the next 20 minutes are Conan trying to arrange a heist but being thwarted by Nestor (adapts 24-25 with a few changes)
Episode 7: Halls of the Dead: Basically what it says; ends with Conan and Jiara fleeing after Conan accidentally kills Surna via magic
Episode 8: The Gunderman: Conan heads to the city of Thessala. He meets Nestor in the city by chance and they decide to go into business
Episode 9: Nestor is betrayed and murdered; Conan brutally murders the priest of Anu but gets betrayed by Jiara; Murilo, having noticed Conan last episode arranges to have him sprung. We get the first part of the adaptation; the issue ends with Thak roaring and lunging at Murilo.
Episode 10: Conan infiltrates the house and manages to sneak in; from there we get the rest of the adaptation. The episode ends with Conan cutting Nestor down from the gallows, sneaking his corpse out and burying his medallion with him.
Season 2:
Episode 1: Journey to the East: Conan heads east into Turan, remembering what his friend from back in episode 2 said about his home. He gets involved in local intrigue, accidentally derailing an attempt by a greedy nobleman to discredit another noble. Conan is arrested but in light of his accidental saving the day he's given the option of enlisting. Figuring that it beats hard labor Conan agrees.
Episode 2: Conan spends time with the Turanian army. He learns the way of the bow, and one of his fellow soldiers agrees to teach him hyrkanian and other languages; he distinguishes himself on the campaign trail, but also starts an affair with Iasmini (the daughter of his commanding officer); this gets him found out and he and Iasmini are sentenced to death (she was due to marry a high ranking officer and Conan spoiled her virginity). Conan's friend Altan and other members of the unit help them escape, and Iasmini flees with into the desert with Altan. Conan decides to return back East.
Episode 3: The Ibis and the Serpent: Looking to head back west, Conan gets waylaid in a Hyrkanian town; he meets Kalanthes (on a mission returning from Hyrkania) and manages to get himself on by mentioning the Man Snake. Kalanthes accepts Conan since his story checks out and having already bested a snake man would be a good asset to have; Conan must also contend with the mysterious Janissa the Widowmaker (overhauled to remove the demon rape and make her more well rounded), an assassin serving another master. In the final battle of Hanumar, the two work together to defeat Thoth's avatar. Conan is given gold and heads south.
Episode 4: Yaralet Part 1: Conan, having bought better armor and weaponry with the money Kalanthes gave him, joins the army of Koth. His unit is assigned to escort Princess Ereshka to Yaralet for her wedding. We also are intercut with scenes of Ereshka befriending a young mage girl Iniri. When shit goes to hell Iniri forces Ereshka into a trunk and allows herself to get captured
Episode 5: Yaralet Part 2: Conan finds Ereshka, and she persuades Conan to help her rescue Iniri (Conan is sincerely impressed to meet a noble who genuinely gives a rats ass about the poor); they go in and stop Atalis from summoning Nergal. Later, Strabonus moves in to occupy the city. Conan is given a small pittance for his service (thus earning Strabonus Conan's hatred) but Ereshka promises to repay Conan for his services.
Episode 6: Black Colossus 1: We start with the fall of Kuthchemes and then Shevetas unintentionally awakening Nathok. Conan, meanwhile falls in with Amalric and the Free Companies. He bonds with the men but his turbulent nature puts him somewhat at odds with Amalric. They make their way to the south, where rumors of war are brewing. The episode ends with Nathok making his first visit to Yasmela (the episode is intercut with scenes of Nathok rising to power.
Episode 7: Black Colossus 2: Everything from Vateesa and Yasmela going to the temple to the coin being shown.
Episode 8: Battle of Shamla pass and Conan pursuing Nathok to the shrine. The fight scene is a little more extended but otherwise unchanged
Episode 9: Liberation: Conan is starting to chafe being "mister queen" and learns from Yasmela that Khossus has been handed over to Koth. Conan calls in his favor with Ereshka and assembles a crew of his free companions to free Khossus. They pull it off and Conan leaves Yasmela after one last round in the hay. Conan meets Sergius and gains his hatred after disgracing him.
Episode 10: Conan's Day in Court: This episode is told largely in flashbacks of Conan telling his story to the judge. Ends with Conan splitting the bastard's skull and riding away.
Season 3
The Queen of the Black Coast: Conan gets on the argus and becomes part of the crew; the entire episode is spent building up to Belit. At the end she shows up.
The Queen of the Black Coast Part 2: The Argus and the Tigress engage in battle; Conan manages to make enough of an impression for Belit to offer a job. Conan accepts. The rest of the episode is Conan bonding with the crew (one of the few things Brian Wood did right during his run) and becoming part of the team. This would be done to making Conan joining more acceptable
Episode 3: Conan and Belit clash with Thuthmekri (From Jewels of Gwahalur) over something or other. This establishes the rivalry that will come into play in Jewels
Episode 4: Build up to the attack on Khemi; he breaks a Python's neck, and discovers the grotto that he will use in Hour of the Dragon;
Episode 5: Khemi: Basically Conan and Belit launching an attack on Khemi and burning it's fleet after looting many of the ships dry.
Episode 6: Pirate Adventure: We learn more about Belit's past (elements of her backstory)
Episode 7: The Death: Condensed adaptation of issues 10-12 of Brian Wood's run (the only part of the story besides issues 1-3 and 22-24 that doesn't suck donkey balls)
Episode 8: Abombi: Conan and Belit try to rebuild things by raiding Abombi. In the climax Conan faces his doubts and kills the chieftain. His brother shits his pants and flees in terror.
Episode 9: Mostly pirate stuff, but ends with the Zarkheba river and them deciding to go down it
Episode 10: The Song of Belit (Feature length 70 minute long episode): Chapters 2-5 of Queen of the Black Coast
Season 4:
Episodes 1 and 2: Basically Shadows over Kush; ends with Conan and Amra's bastards leaving
Episode 3: Conan and the others join the band of a rebel prince; when the guy declares peace
Episode 4: Massacre on the Illbars: Build up to the massacre, the massacre itself, and finally Conan getting his bloody revenge on Amurath.
Episode 5: Iron Shadows in the Moon Part 1
Episode 6: Iron Shadows in the Moon Part 2
Episode 7: Conan's men get fed up with him and organize a coup; Olivia persuades them to leave Conan alive.
Episode 8: The first half is Conan coming to Khauran; Conan befriends Taramis and gets the job; Constantius's arrival causes trouble. The final third is Salome taking over, the massacre in the square and Conan being captured.
Episode 9: First part is Conan being crucified. The second half is him gaining control of the Zuagir. He finds out from the letter that Valerius is trying to learn the truth. He starts devising a plan.
Episode 10: Final part; Conan besieges Khauran and ultimately due to his and Valerius's efforts the city is taken. Conan goes off with the Zuagir.