Skin It the giant chicken goes to Nashville part one

[themirrorthief]

rated PG 13 for some salty dialogue,


Skin it the giant chicken wrestler was damned upset. He had lost his last match badly because he was drunk and stoned on pills. Hell, he couldn't remember a damned thing except waking up in the locker and some asshole telling he had a concussion. Fuck, chickens don't have enough brains to get a concussion he replied in no uncertain terms. Skin It got dressed which was quick work because he only wears a bow tie and a Make America Great Again cap.

In the alley he smoked a couple of joints and downed a forty ounce before getting enough strength back to make the long walk to his favorite watering hole. Inside he ordered a double shot of whiskey while some dirty looking bikers stared at him. Now most people would have been bothered by dirty bikers staring at them but Skin It was not people, he was a giant chicken and didn't give a shit about anything except wrestling, getting wasted, and a colossal hatred of cows. It wasn't easy being a giant chicken living among a species that ate your brethren by the millions every day. Think about it. Skin It was a reasonable, tolerant sort in his own way. Hell, he had even downed a few hot wings himself while on a bender.

Mostly though he lived on booze and shelled corn. Hey, he was a simple chicken. One big biker guy came up to him and said, "hey, are you a giant chicken or just some asshole dressed up like a giant chicken or something."

Skin It shrugged, "I'm just some asshole dressed like a giant chicken. There are no such things as real giant chickens...are you stoned on meth or something there easy rider?"

The biker got pissed and swung at Skin It with his meaty fist. Skin It dodged before pecking the Biker's face horribly. The blood was awful. The other bikers got up to save their buddy but Skin It was already gone, having flown right out an open window(a very large window, it was a hot day)

Skin It trudged wearily home, only stopping in the park to smoke a couple of joints with some homeless ducks he met. Then he wandered on to his chicken coop and crashed for the rest of the day.

The next morning he was awakened by his cell phone. It was that sleazy wrestling manager Jake the Snail Snell. He wanted Skin It to do a match in Tennessee for a thousand bucks plus bus fare and a gift card to McDonalds. Skin It agreed and soon found himself in Nashville at the Arena. To his utter shock and surprise he was part of the main event. The place was crowded and most had come to see the giant chicken apparently because he was the only real "name" at the event. Skin It was having a blast tossing the other wrestlers around like Frisbees. During the breaks he took heavy swigs of vodka from his water bottle. Finally he was declared winner and soon he was back in a bar. It was a real redneck place, dudes in cowboy hats and boots and women in cowboy hats and boots with big bee hive hairdos and shitloads of lipstick and incredibly long fake eyelashes.

Well this old fucker with no teeth came up and asked if he could buy Skin It a drink. The chicken said yes nodded for the old turd to sit down.

"You know I've raised a helluva lot of chickens in my day but damned if you don't rule the roost. What in hell did they feed you back on the farm. I got to know cause I am a chicken farmer and big chickens could be a real boost in my business if you get my drift."

"I understand. And this may shock you mister but I fed on human remains. That is why I got so large, the massive fat intake in my diet grew me to my present seven feet two and 455 pounds. And I would never had made it in wrestling otherwise."

"But where did the farmers that grew you get the bodies they fed you...that sounds like it could be a problem and I don't have a lot of money to buy things like that."

Skin It nodded, he had been over this many times before with curious fans..."Some of the stiffs they got out of wrecks they found alongside the highway, some were relatives that died of natural causes and some were simply donated by broke ass people who didn't have the cash to bury their folks. I always ate good though and really developed a taste for human flesh. Then one day they fed me some undercooked dude and I got real sick. Puked my guts out and shit brown water for days. Never ate anything like that since...strictly shelled corn and booze for me now. Anyway by that time I was so large nobody had the guts to kill and cook me so they made me a wrestler, figuring I could earn back my keep. But I guess I got to big for my feathers and struck out on my own. The rest is history."

"Well I be damned, if that ain't some kind of tale there partner," declared the redneck which scratching the stubble on his chick and picking some of last year's Thanksgiving dinner out between the two blackened teeth he had managed to hang on to."

"But don't that make you a cannibal?" the old man asked, his bleary rum soaked eyes getting all big and round.

"No more so than a human eating a dead chicken.  Think about it"  Skin It replied.

"Well...humm, I reckon you got a point there Mr Chicken."

Skin It nodded rather sadly. "Yup that's about all there is. Now I'm just an over sized chicken trying to make it in a man's world. My only advantage is that my brain grew too and I'm a littler smarter than the average chicken."

"You talk purty good for a chicken I reckon," the farmer said before passing out and getting thrown out of the bar.

Skin It left, wobbling a bit but not doing to bad. He was bad drunk though and the cops pulled up beside him. "What's a big chicken like you doing out so late at night, shouldn't you be home in your coop by now?"

"I was just on my way to KFC to turn myself in to Colonel Sanders," Skin It replied.

"What are you anyhow, some kind of smart ass chicken?"

"No, I'm a wrestler, I've had a concussion recently and I don't like the way you are disrespecting me just because Im a chicken.

"Now don't get your feathers all ruffled big bird," one of the cops said before they drove off to find the closest Dunkin Dougnuts.

"Always the same old shit," Skin It muttered to himself as he made his way to the alley behind the hotel he couldn't afford. Then he lay down and went to sleep. Hopefully tomorrow would be a better day but he doubted it. The world was just to damned small for somebody who struggled through life as a giant chicken.




Skin It goes to Nashville part one
dont let your kids read this and dont tell your preacher

[Deleted]

Great stuff Mirrorthief.

I look forward to the further adventures of Skin It the giant chicken wrestler.

What is Skin It's favorite whiskey? Famous Grouse?

[themirrorthief]

his favorite is whichever one is in his hand...err, I mean wing thanks for reading, more to come soon and you will get to meet his pal Clawhammer Joe

[themirrorthief]

Now while Skin It catches a little rest I suppose it would be a swell time to introduce the other leading characters in this little epic adventure. I suppose we can start with one of my favorite girls.

Kitsumekat was sick and tired, mainly sick and tired of searching through dumpsters for a snack and sick because she couldn't afford any booze. Life was certainly getting her down and she was to dim to understand that was what life was all about...getting you down. She finally decided to do something about it so she dressed up all slutty and nice and went to sit in the park.

Then who should show up but her ex boyfriend Claw Hammer Joe. He was called that because he always wore a utility belt with two claw hammers hooked in it. He was a bit touched since his multiple tours of Iraq but he almost always had a stash of good weed. Kitsumekat gave him her sexiest smile and playfully fondled one of his hammers. She was smart to not touch either of the claw hammers though. He was weird about those things and in his hands they were more than deadly weapons.

"Got any chronic?" she asked demurely.

He did and pretty soon they were clouding up the area. People gave them ugly looks but it was mostly ok. Kitsumekat flashed her tits at one little kid and he ran crying to his mommy. Clawhammer Joe laughed out loud and shyly kissed her cheek. "NO pay, no play," she warned him. JOe slipped her a twenty and she let him play all he wanted. "We should go to my place," he said between heavy breathing.

"You have a place? I though you lived with your granny?"

"Oh no, I have my disability now and I have long since moved out."

They walked for a long time until they reached the trailer park. Joe's trailer was a sick green color but it was relatively clean. Kitsumekat always kept a can of Lysol in her purse so she sprayed everything. Of course there wasn't a lot of furniture. Just a couch. "I just moved in a couple of days ago," Joe declared. That explained why it was so clean. They sat on the couch and smoked more weed. "Where is the booze?" She asked her friend.

"You know me to well," he chuckled. Then he searched under the couch until he found a half a fifth of gin.

Kitsumekat's eyes grew even larger and she purred like a tabby. A few drinks later he had her naked and helpless. They had great sex, great considering Joe's penis wasn't all that big although it was a little above average. He was great at going down there and it was a good time had by all by all accounts. By my account anyhow.

Joe had just gotten dressed and strapped on his hammers when two thugs burst down the door. "Give us your drugs and money," they demanded. Then one of them spied Kitsumekat all naked and sprawled drunkenly on the couch. "And we want some nookie," he said.

They brandished large knives but Clawhammer whipped out one of his hammer and threw it with deadly accuracy. It whacked the first thug square between the eyes and he dropped like a turd from an airplane. The other glared at his fallen pal stupidly. "What the fuck," he uttered before getting his skull cracked open by the other hammer. "Damn, look at all the blood," Clawhammer groaned. "And I just moved in this place."

"Search them," Kitsumekat suggested why struggling to put her skimpy mini and halter back on. "You never know?"

Clawhammer went through their pockets. "Hot damn!" he ejaculated..."A couple of crack rocks."

The erstwhile couple wasted no time firing up the crack. It made them mellow and they had sex again. It was good second time too. "What do I do with these fucking bodies?" Clawhammer asked, knowing Kitsumekat was smarter than him by a lot.

"Just burn the trailer down and the bodies with it." she said.

"But I just moved in and what about my stuff?"

"You don't have any stuff, just me and you only rented me for the night."

"OK, maybe you are right, and besides I don't own the place and haven't even paid all the deposit yet."

"Yeah, and you can stay at my place for a couple of days until you get squared away with a new place."


"What about your boyfriend?" Joe asked while mulling things over.

"He is in jail, gonna be there for awhile."

So they waited until dark and poured gin over the bodies and torched the place. They sat in the woods smoking weed and enjoyed the blaze. It was pretty spectacular. The sight got Kitsumekat all hot and bothered and she and Joe made out pretty much the entire time. They arrived at her place early that morning after stopping for another bottle. Joe had enough cash to buy some cigarettes for her and a used Brittney Spears CD from a homeless guy they ran into. They were to tired to sleep so they had sex again free of charge.

When Kitsumekat finally passed out she slept like the dead. When she woke Clawhammer Joe was gone. He left a couple of joints on her kitchen table along with three dollars. She took the money and found a little change in the couch. It was enough for breakfast at McDonalds. Kitsumekat ate and downed some coffee. Then she walked back to the park and smoked one of the joints. She sat there in deep thought. "Why the fuck does a nice girl like me have such a boring life?" She sighed and took another toke of the weed. Another homeless dude she knew gave her a warm beer. She thanked him and downed the funky liquid. It wasn't easy being Kitsumekat, it was downright perpendicular

It was then that Kitsumekat began to halluciante. She thought she saw a giarnt chicken walking through the park. It would have bothered most people but Kitsumekat could only think of finding Clawhammer Joe and scoring more of this primo weed. She watched as the giant chicken walked in her direction. AS he got closer she realized he wasn't just big, he was huge...much larger than the average chicken. Of course she had never seen a real chicken being a city girl and all that.

Skin It said, "mind if I hit that joint, I made some money at a wrestling match and can buy more if you want to. I'm not a narc, just a giant chicken."

Kitsumekat, never one to bogart handed the joint over. Skin stuck it in his beak and sucked down the smoke. He started coughing and almost threw up. "Man, that stuff is killer, he gasped."

Kitsumekat shrugged, "I didn't think that much of it until I saw you...you aren't real are you?"

"I am real, a real giant chicken who makes his living wrestling. I'm not that big time yet but wait and see...someday."

They finished the joint and took a walk together. "Ive never actually had a giant chicken for a friend."

"My name is Skin It by the way...you can call me Skin It."

"My name is Kitsumekat and I need a drink really bad."

Skin reached under his wing and produced a bottle of Old Wellar's whiskey. "This shit is real smooth so be careful.

Kitsumekat laughed, "why start being cautious now...I'm already talking to a giant chicken wrestler for crying out loud."

"Good point," Skin It replied, not taking offense. Then he threw some shelled corn into his beak. "Want some?" he asked the girl.

"That's sweet of you but I never eat breakfast and besides I'm allergic to vegatables of all kinds. I only eat meat.

"What kind of meat?" Skin It asked.

"Mostly frog legs."

"Are you a redneck or something?"
"No, I just feel sorry for the frogs and eat them so they shall not have died in vain."
"You have class..."

[buxom9sorceress]

Aaaarrgh ! my head....my evaporating sanity....my arching back....my splayed toes....

This stuff is nuts: lowlife weirdness.

But tis dark and guilty fun.

Mirror-T : thanks for making me chuckle like a pregnant hyena

[ the more i read from your wild imagination...the more i squirm, shudder and LOL under my big black silk Nyarlathotep pillow...]

[ChrisLAdams]

Jan 24, 2017 12:36:32 GMT -5 themirrorthief said:

In the alley he smoked a couple of joints and downed a forty ounce ...

Haha! Reminds me of a bass player I used to jam with who was always downing 40s of 'da Bull'.
I'd always comment when he came in w/ his bass over his shoulder and that big ole bottle in his hand - "You got that forty!"
He'd always say the same thing: "Why drink a thirty-two when you can drink a fohty."  
He never pronounced the 'r' in forty!
He was hilarious.

[themirrorthief]

Jan 27, 2017 11:10:13 GMT -5 buxom9sorceress said:

Aaaarrgh ! my head....my evaporating sanity....my arching back....my splayed toes....

This stuff is nuts: lowlife weirdness.

But tis dark and guilty fun.

Mirror-T : thanks for making me chuckle like a pregnant hyena

[ the more i read from your wild imagination...the more i squirm, shudder and LOL under my big black silk Nyarlathotep pillow...]

I learned it all from a couple of old farts named Mark Twain and Robert E Howard....be careful when laughing Buxandra, you could burst an implant dear

[buxom9sorceress]

Jan 27, 2017 13:46:26 GMT -5 themirrorthief said:

Jan 27, 2017 11:10:13 GMT -5 buxom9sorceress said:

Mirror-T : thanks for making me chuckle like a pregnant hyena

I learned it all from a couple of old farts named Mark Twain and Robert E Howard....be careful when laughing Buxandra, you could burst an implant dear

i know you were only joking...

but

i ain't no desperate skinny stripper with augmented lips and augmented breasts.

My wonderful big breasts are real & natural.

Rock on NATURAL big breast power!



Ok. rant over.

back to the fun weird tales...

[themirrorthief]

Men control the world, breasts control men?

[buxom9sorceress]

Jan 27, 2017 19:33:59 GMT -5 themirrorthief said:

Men control the world, breasts control men?

some clever poet should pen a poem about that?

[themirrorthief]

from what Ive seen, cleverness is an unwanted commodity these days but who knows?

[themirrorthief]

Skin It really liked his new friends. He was enjoying Nashville too. There was even something about country music he was digging. It made sense, rednecks losing their girlfriends and wives to other assholes. Skin It understood about trucks too, they made you...bigger. Problems were always around the corner though, like the money from his last wrestling match and Clawhammer Joe's disability check soon ran out.

"I have an idea," Kitsumekat declared as she slammed down her empty Budweiser can. "Let's knock off a liquor store!"

Clawhammer's threw open wide. "Its brilliant Kitsumekat...let's put our heads together and make a plan. Are you in Skin It?"

Skin It shrugged, I guess so, so long as you guys are sure we won't get busted. I hate jail."

Kitsumekat thought hard for a few seconds..."Here's the plan, I slip into the liquor store while Clawhammer waits out back. Skin It, you run up and down the sidewalk outside creating a diversion. Like run back and forth screaming the sky is falling, the sky is falling."

"Its brilliant," Clawhammer declared, slamming his thigh with his meaty fist.

"You'e kidding I hope," Skin It said..."The sky is falling."

"Its perfect," Kitsumekat declared before burping loudly. "Everyone has heard about a chicken screaming the sky is falling but now they will actually see one, and I am betting the store owner will be staring out the window to see what all the fuss is about. Let's do this."

Clawhammer fondled his hammers in anticipation, "I get it now, you pass the loot out the door to me and we run home with the score while everyone focuses on Skin It and his insane antics...you could even show them so wrestling moves dude."

Skin It downed the last of his last beer and gave it a lot of thought. "I'll do it , I can do it...let's do this!"

That evening they set the plan into emotion. Skin It ran back and forth, He screamed and clucked at the top of his lungs. "The sky is falling! The sky is falling, we are all doomed, the sky is falling."

Naturally everyone stopped and stared. Skin It did back flips, he moonwalked, he farted loudly. Babies were crying, old women were peeing themselves. Teenagers were walking past looking at video on their cellphones of some crazy giant chicken somewhere screaming that he sky was falling. The store manager of the booze shop ran out and yelled that he was calling the cops. Skin It's phone rang. It was Kitsumekat, the deed was done.

Skin It met his friends in an alley. "How much did we get?" He asked anxiously. "Two cases of beer, a fifth of gin, a fifth of jack, and a bottle of Mad Dog 2020." Kitsumekat was ecstatic.

"I mean how much money?" Skin It questioned anxiously.

"Money, what money?" Clawhammer blurted. "IT was a liquor store, not a bank Chicken Little.

Clawhammer could be a real asshole sometimes, most of the time really. Skin It fought down the urge to peck his face to a bloody ruin.

"Its time to party guys!!" Kitsumekat purred before downing a massive gulp of Jack. "Almost as good as sex," she choked out.

Later that night Skin It stumbled out of Kitsumekat's tiny apartment. He was drunk as a skunk for real. Clawhammer was snoring the night away in the tub. Skin It had made a point of peeing on him before leaving. Kitsumekat was passed out on the couch, stark naked. She had complained of hot flashes. To bad she was not a hen Skin It mused, he might have taken advantage of the situation.

Skin It went to the park, it was really dark. He reclined on a park bench before pulling a beer out from beneath his wing. He popped the tab and took a drink. Beer was wasted on humans he believed. It was obviously made for chickens. Skin It was a little frustrated, he needed sex, and had no idea what to do. He felt like finding some cow and beating the hell out of it. Then he passed out.

Skin It woke to bright stars. The sky was brillant. He was no poet, just a giant chicken but starry starry nights always touched him. "Beautiful ain't it?" Skin It was startled but he hadn't seen anything yet. No one was around except a horse.

"You can talk, but you're a horse."

"Mr Ed is the name, I just came to the part to take a shit. My stall is full up, nobody cleans it anymore."

"That's kind of sad Mr Ed. I got nothing to do and need somebody to talk to...if you have a shovel I will come and clean your stall."

"Hey they would be great chicken, I got some good weed. I usually eat the stuff but you can smoke it if you want to."
"Damn, thats nice of you Mr Ed."

"Wanna ride chicken?"

"Sure, the name is Skin It by the way."

"Well hop aboard and away we go!"

Then they made tracks, riding off into the night.

[themirrorthief]

The rain was cold that day. Freezing really. I turned my head from the window and walked through the open door. Love conquers all they say but when will it search and destroy my head. My dreams with nightmarish then funny. I dreamed I was a wrestler and I had a match with this terrible brute of man. He would crush me and as he hurled insults and hurled back. Why not? I was gonna get my ass kicked anyhow. I looked around just before entering the ring. I saw a giant chicken among the crowd. Naturally I was curious as fuck. Who is that I asked. Someone said...he is a wrestler too. His name is Skin It. I laughed so hard I woke myself up. To another lonely rainy day. I went to the university and walked around. I saw lots of beautiful women. Some were checking me out. I was desperate to get laid, who isnt. This one girl looked at me and laughed. Someone told me you know Skin It. I was shocked, she could read my dreams. She was modestly dressed, maybe she wasnt actually a student, the advertise brother and how. I asked if I could buy her an energy drink. She said OK. We sat outside and chatted. I wanted her but she got up and walked away without a word of goodbye. How do you know Skin It I asked.

He comes to me when I smoke weed she said over her shoulder. Keep it limber.

Naturally I was stunned. I bought some weed and smoked it but never saw Skin It again. I never saw that girl until a year later when I was passed out in the alley behind my favorite bar. Through groggy eyes I squinted as a girl came out and took a pee. It was her. Skin It said Hi I told her. that night she packed me in her old mustang and took me to her place. You are welcome to sleep it off in my car she suggested. But if you puke my boyfriend with beat your ass. Hes a real mean pimp she said.

I never puke. I never eat, there is nothing there.

She flashed me her tits and left.

The next day I woke up and it rained again. Fuck I told myself, I dont want to walk home. Then I noticed she had dropped the keys in the floorboard. I cranked the ride and drove away. She had a nice stereo and a decent Cd collection. I put Miley Cyrus in and rocked. I had never heard of her but she had a deep husky voice that made me a bit horny. It was about six months later that I ran into her once again. Her name was Deby by the way. I almost forgotten. Have you seen my car she asked.
I didnt know you had a car, what color is it.

You arent bad looking, do you have a job?

No, I live off the residuals from a hit record I had when I was nineteen.
Thats cool she said. Do you have a car, I need a lift. I had swapped her car for a nissan. I got in and she did too. There is something about you she said.

Are we gonna have sex I asked.

Why, she replied.

I like your boobs, you showed them to me once.

Only once? Thats totally weird. Are they big enough.
almost I answered. Your ass is way big enough though.

I like you she said.

We rode around and drank a bottle of gin and smoked eight joins and took some loritab.

You drive great for a guy so stoned she mentioned.

we have been parked for the last hour I reminded her.

I need a nap she said.
Me too.

We slept together all night in the car. It was the first time I had slept with any girl for eighteen months. A year later we got married and now we got three kids. She called me up yesterday and said she was filing for a divorce. I called my new girlfriend and gave her the good news. That night I saw Skin It again for the second time ever. He and Deby were dancing to Abba in a club in Afghanistan. I kid you not.

[themirrorthief]

There was a knock on my door. It was Kitsumekat. I was surprised to see her, she looked great, all dressed in black, what there was of it anyhow. She was very drunk and appeared to have been crying...she had wiped off all her eyemakeup and it gave her an innocent, very appealing look. "My kitty kat got run over," she said before pressing her head against my chest. I hadn't seen her in at least three months and frankly, had never expected to see her again. She had said she hated my guts cause I had no money to loan her last time we hooked up. Yet, here she was.

I hugged her and kissed the top of her head. Her hair smelled awesome, like wild flowers or something. Her firm, generous breasts pressed hard against my stomach. My timber was tingling like mad. "DO you have any dope or liquor," she asked. "I could totally use a good buzz." She was already drunk and smelled like reefer. "Yes, go make yourself at home in the living room. I rolled a fattie and poured her a glass of wine. I took it to her and she was sitting there stark naked. "Let's fuck," she said.

I quickly disrobed and climbed atop her. Things got really smoking really fast. I slobbered all over her until my saliva ran in rivers. She moaned like mad during oral and I obtained the greatest erection of my life. Because I want this story to be ok for your kids I will not go into more detailed except to say her love is like a drug...hell, I wish you could inject it.

Later we smoked some weed and caught up on old times. I was afraid she would go right away but she just sat there naked drinking my booze, puffing my weed, and smoking up my Newports. Once a real cheap pack of shitty smokes fell out of her purse but I pretended not to notice as she quickly stuffed them back where they came from. I found myself staring at her breasts, she was talking about something but I wasn't really listening. It was the same old crazy shit about her family and some weird John who liked to dress her up like a ballerina. I watched tv and let her ramble on. I might have added something to the conversation besides yeah, or wow but she wasn't a damned bit interested in anything I had to say. She talked about her boyfriend, the wrestler who was in jail. And she talked a lot about her dead cat named Timmy. He had escaped the apartment and ran into the street. It must have been traumatic.

Later we had sex again...Kitsumekat was really into it. "Can you feed me something?" she purred later. We went out to a really nice Taco Bell and loaded up on bean burritos and tacos. I knew we would both get horrible gas and maybe the shits but what can you do when a girl like Kitsumekat wants real Mexican food?

You know there is gonna be violence in this story and you are right on. Kitsumekat ate to much and puked her guts out right there in the dining room. We left quickly, taking a drive in my new used car. We drove way out in the country, smoking weed, and hitting a bottle of Jack all the way, or at least until it was gone. As I drove around looking for a place to pick up some more booze Kitsumekat almost scared the shit out of me. "Look its a bunch of deer!" she exclaimed with uncharacteristic enthusiasum. Actually it was some cows but I just nodded and rolled another number.

At last I found this little country store where I got some gas, cigarettes, beer, and doritos. Then I kept driving until we came upon this cool little state park. We got out and sat by a creek. Kitsumekat started crying again. I said that Timmy had most likely gone to a better place (I was being damned truthful about that cause Kitsumekat is a real shitty housekeeper.)

Finally I got a hummer right there beside the creek. I was right in the verge of enjoying the greatest peak of passion in the history of sex when someone said. "I hate to bother you but my name is Officer Jake and I need to see some ID. "Can't it wait?" I pleaded.

"Just give me the ID Sir."

I found my wallet somehow and produced the required document. The cop looked at it then shook his head, "I'm afraid you are going to jail for public indecency, possession of marijuana, and driving with an expired license."

"I was getting head, not driving."

Officer Jake nodded sympathetically, "And lets add public drunkenness to the charges."

Well, the jail there wasn't that bad compared to some but Kitsumekat was pissed as hell and I could hear here in the women's digs raising some holy hell when she had started to dry out. She had a pretty bad coke habit and I didn't figure anybody in this fine establishment gave a flying fuck. She was also screaming her head off for a cigarette and then cursing at the goofy orange uniform they made her wear. In protest she crapped and pissed all in the floors everywhere she went, puked a lot of places too. Finally they let her out she walked down the street in her old clothes before turning and giving the cops the bird one more time. Besides, once they found out she was broke and was gonna cost the county big bucks for mental evaluations it was best to cut her loose. "What about me?" I asked, sounding pitiful. "That girl needs someone to look after her or she might get hurt or hurt someone else." Officer Jake seemed to take it all in before replying. "I think she'll be alright, we didn't give her back the switchblade or the pistol. All she wanted was her cigarettes anyhow...and that shitty outfit she was wearing."

So they kept me there for thirty days. And I had to borrow a thousand bucks from my Mom to get out. I had to hang around a couple more days before my car would be returned to me. I found a nice little bar and got pretty buzzed. Finally some Joe came up and asked..."hey aren't you the guy that brought that weird girl into town?"

"I brought A weird girl into town...is she still around these parts? Her name is Kitsumekat."

"That's the one, except she calls herself Dolly Jean now. She dropped the Kitsumekat thing a couple of days after meeting Reverend Grady right her in this very bar. He was trying to seek and save the lost and I guess he saved her."

"What the fuck...?"

"Oh, that's not all. She started dressing all conservative like and he even got her an important job as treasurer at the church."

"And she just ran off with all the money in the church kitty?"

"That's right, how did you know?"

"When I'm good and drunk I hear voices that tell me things."

"Damn," the redneck declared. "That's fucking amazing. Mind if I buy you a beer or two?"

"I don't mind one damned bit," I replied and motioned for the generous dude to sit.