Love in the High Tech Age
Apr 12, 2017 21:35:53 GMT -5
Post by themirrorthief on Apr 12, 2017 21:35:53 GMT -5
I left the movie house feeling a bit depressed. Deadpool was a disappointment, although I did like it when he was shot in the anus. I can appeciate that sort of genius writing. I wish I had thought of that. A bit frustrated, I took a long swig from my bottle. I love booze, booze loves me, together we make three. Me, myself, and my bottle. Naturally I began to think about women. Ah, if I could only get laid. How great that would be but I am old and ugly and fart way to much. Oh, that reminds me, I need to rip one. Ahhh, much better.
As I was about to get in my old junker a pretty young girl came up to me. She smiled so sweetly. "Can you give me a ride, I am stranded I'm afraid and you look like a nice person."
"Where are you going?"
"Wherever you are going I reckon."
She got in and I passed her the bottle. She took a long drink and smiled at me so sweetly. "How much will it cost me?" I asked. I only had 13.76 left after the movie, the damned flicks are expensive and I bought extra popcorn. "I will give it to you free."
"Damn, aren't you afraid of catching a std?"
"NO, I already have several."
"Oh, Ok then sweetheart." My heart was starting to thump like a bass drum.
I drove around for awhile. If only I had some viagara, but I didn't...crap.
I didn't really want to take her back to my place because it is a mess. It smells and the kitty litter needed changing bad, real bad. And my old sneakers had become a habitat. I drove into the park, it was a small park and didn't close. We drank some more and smoked a couple of roaches I had left in the ash tray. I did have a new pack of cigarettes and we enjoyed those. We just sat there and talked. "Are we going to have sex?" she asked.
"No, you are to young and jail is a lonely place with no privacy, a dude can't even have solo sex in there."
She looked a little disappointed. "I really like you, I watched you during the movie...you looked so sad and depressed and I just wanted to hug you and give you some love or anything."
"Maybe we will do it, I like you too darling."
She kissed me, right on the mouth. Her tongue did a tap dance on my tonsils and her hand went to my love gun. It came alive much to my surprise and seemed to be getting ready for action. It was. We had great sex right there in the car. It lasted a long time and in fact we did it twice. I was astonished at myself. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't have to pay? That doesn't happen often, actually pretty much never.
When it was over we drank and smoked. She said it was the best she had ever had and that she didnt really have an std. I smiled and said it was ok, I understood. I mused about the wonder of life, one moment you were down and out, going to movies alone and eating your cheap baloney in the dark cause you couldn't afford more of the treats n the lobby. Then you had a cute young chick riding your pony and giving you all the affection you had dreamed of for so long. "I guess you can take me home now," she said. "I am pretty tired after all that action superstud.
I agreed, it was the least I could do. Besides I kinda hoped for a sequel.
She gave me directions and my junker groaned off into the night. It was getting late and I had to work in the morning, I couldn't wait to tell the guys about the little quail that I hammered all night. Wouldn't they be jealous. I took a picture of her just to prove that it really happened.
When we finally got to her place I was pretty surprised. It was a big old mansion in the old part of town, you know, where the old money lived. She invited me in.
As we walked up to the door I checked my phone to see if Mom had messaged me. I also wanted to look at the pic I had taken of Elise. That's when the weirdness began. She wasn't in the picture, it was just a pic of my empty carseat. She unlocked the door and went inside.
My new ladylove beckoned for me and that sweet smiled was like a drug. I was already addicted and how.
I waited while she flipped on the light. That's when I got a big surprise. Her dad, mom, granny,and kid brother were all sitting there waiting. Oh shit, I could see the cops arriving any minute to haul me off to jail for rape. Obviously they had been waiting up for Elise to come home. I turned in desperation to look at Elise. She was smiling proudly, it was weird, her teeth looked different, they were really long and sharp looking and I wondered how in hell I hadn't noticed before.
Suddenly the whole bunch jumped me and knocked me on my back. Then I felt sharp pains all over my body. They were gnawling on my flesh! What the fuck I yelled.
Then I realized, they were a bunch of vampires and I had walked right into their lair. My wonderful night suddenly began to go sour. Then I heard a bunch of angry growls and they spat out my blood. "Oh shit," I heard one of them scream. "Its fucking oil...another Goddamn android for crying out loud!"
I sat up and looked at Elise, she was mad as hell and had oil smeared all over her face. In a weird way I felt bad for her. I got up and dusted myself off and said "See you weird freaks later."
They hissed and growled. the little brother urinated on my shoes and then I left. I got into my car and drove into the night. It wasn't my fault but of course I got blamed for the entire mess. That's the story of my life. Everyone dumps on me. Nice guys sleep alone. Androids don't always sleep alone but a long term relationship with a sexy vampire babe just isn't gonna happen...ever.
As I was about to get in my old junker a pretty young girl came up to me. She smiled so sweetly. "Can you give me a ride, I am stranded I'm afraid and you look like a nice person."
"Where are you going?"
"Wherever you are going I reckon."
She got in and I passed her the bottle. She took a long drink and smiled at me so sweetly. "How much will it cost me?" I asked. I only had 13.76 left after the movie, the damned flicks are expensive and I bought extra popcorn. "I will give it to you free."
"Damn, aren't you afraid of catching a std?"
"NO, I already have several."
"Oh, Ok then sweetheart." My heart was starting to thump like a bass drum.
I drove around for awhile. If only I had some viagara, but I didn't...crap.
I didn't really want to take her back to my place because it is a mess. It smells and the kitty litter needed changing bad, real bad. And my old sneakers had become a habitat. I drove into the park, it was a small park and didn't close. We drank some more and smoked a couple of roaches I had left in the ash tray. I did have a new pack of cigarettes and we enjoyed those. We just sat there and talked. "Are we going to have sex?" she asked.
"No, you are to young and jail is a lonely place with no privacy, a dude can't even have solo sex in there."
She looked a little disappointed. "I really like you, I watched you during the movie...you looked so sad and depressed and I just wanted to hug you and give you some love or anything."
"Maybe we will do it, I like you too darling."
She kissed me, right on the mouth. Her tongue did a tap dance on my tonsils and her hand went to my love gun. It came alive much to my surprise and seemed to be getting ready for action. It was. We had great sex right there in the car. It lasted a long time and in fact we did it twice. I was astonished at myself. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't have to pay? That doesn't happen often, actually pretty much never.
When it was over we drank and smoked. She said it was the best she had ever had and that she didnt really have an std. I smiled and said it was ok, I understood. I mused about the wonder of life, one moment you were down and out, going to movies alone and eating your cheap baloney in the dark cause you couldn't afford more of the treats n the lobby. Then you had a cute young chick riding your pony and giving you all the affection you had dreamed of for so long. "I guess you can take me home now," she said. "I am pretty tired after all that action superstud.
I agreed, it was the least I could do. Besides I kinda hoped for a sequel.
She gave me directions and my junker groaned off into the night. It was getting late and I had to work in the morning, I couldn't wait to tell the guys about the little quail that I hammered all night. Wouldn't they be jealous. I took a picture of her just to prove that it really happened.
When we finally got to her place I was pretty surprised. It was a big old mansion in the old part of town, you know, where the old money lived. She invited me in.
As we walked up to the door I checked my phone to see if Mom had messaged me. I also wanted to look at the pic I had taken of Elise. That's when the weirdness began. She wasn't in the picture, it was just a pic of my empty carseat. She unlocked the door and went inside.
My new ladylove beckoned for me and that sweet smiled was like a drug. I was already addicted and how.
I waited while she flipped on the light. That's when I got a big surprise. Her dad, mom, granny,and kid brother were all sitting there waiting. Oh shit, I could see the cops arriving any minute to haul me off to jail for rape. Obviously they had been waiting up for Elise to come home. I turned in desperation to look at Elise. She was smiling proudly, it was weird, her teeth looked different, they were really long and sharp looking and I wondered how in hell I hadn't noticed before.
Suddenly the whole bunch jumped me and knocked me on my back. Then I felt sharp pains all over my body. They were gnawling on my flesh! What the fuck I yelled.
Then I realized, they were a bunch of vampires and I had walked right into their lair. My wonderful night suddenly began to go sour. Then I heard a bunch of angry growls and they spat out my blood. "Oh shit," I heard one of them scream. "Its fucking oil...another Goddamn android for crying out loud!"
I sat up and looked at Elise, she was mad as hell and had oil smeared all over her face. In a weird way I felt bad for her. I got up and dusted myself off and said "See you weird freaks later."
They hissed and growled. the little brother urinated on my shoes and then I left. I got into my car and drove into the night. It wasn't my fault but of course I got blamed for the entire mess. That's the story of my life. Everyone dumps on me. Nice guys sleep alone. Androids don't always sleep alone but a long term relationship with a sexy vampire babe just isn't gonna happen...ever.