Conan the Adventurer 1997
Feb 25, 2023 12:19:43 GMT -5
Post by almuric on Feb 25, 2023 12:19:43 GMT -5
The live-action Rolf Moeller TV series has been nearly forgotten by the REH fandom. I'm here today to tell you that our collective amnesia is a very good thing.
The mid-to-late-90s saw an explosion of syndicated TV shows about legendary figures, usually filmed internationally. They were mostly awful and short-lived, much like this one. We open with a poor variant on the "Between the time when the oceans drank Atlantis" speech, followed by . . . another variant of the same speech! I think the first one is the regular one for the show and they just slapped it on to the pilot, not caring that it was redundant. Which gives you some idea of the care and attention they gave this. Then we meet our villain, Hissah-Zul, played by Jeremy Kemp (looking like a seedy King Theoden) and saddled with an animatronic talking skull for expositional puposes. Plotwise, it feels like rehashed Milius (the unconquerable Cimmerians get conquered again, Conan is enslaved, finds an Atlantean sword), but with an added twist: the opening two-parter is a loose (and I mean loose) retelling of "The Tower of the Elephant".
Yag-Kosha is depicted with some barely-mobile animatronics and his searing cosmic tragedy is reduced to a short sob story. Crom, the uncaring and aloof is, here, a British guy who talks through the Sword of Atlantis, telling Conan about his destiny and blah, blah, blah. Moeller was obviously cast because of his resemblance to Arnie (brown hair, Germanic accent, minimal acting ability) and not because of any deeper qualities. Conan is a Chosen One. The depiction of magic is annoying. Even weak wizards can effortlessly do pretty much anything 90s CGI could depict. There's no weight to any of it. Yag-Kosha's big revenge is rendered dull and unimaginative. Conan is saddled with not one, not two, but a whole flipping team of sidekicks, none of whom originated in any of REH's stories. The sets look like dull concrete and the mighty cities of the Hyborian Age are villages. And while I'm not normally one to harp on such matters Yara, who is Asian in the story, is a weedy little white dude who looks more like a villain's henchman than a big bad.
Oh, did I mention Mickey Rooney has a cameo in the first episode? Mickey. Flipping. Rooney.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
You can watch the whole series on Tubi, unless you have more important things to do, like watching paint dry.
The mid-to-late-90s saw an explosion of syndicated TV shows about legendary figures, usually filmed internationally. They were mostly awful and short-lived, much like this one. We open with a poor variant on the "Between the time when the oceans drank Atlantis" speech, followed by . . . another variant of the same speech! I think the first one is the regular one for the show and they just slapped it on to the pilot, not caring that it was redundant. Which gives you some idea of the care and attention they gave this. Then we meet our villain, Hissah-Zul, played by Jeremy Kemp (looking like a seedy King Theoden) and saddled with an animatronic talking skull for expositional puposes. Plotwise, it feels like rehashed Milius (the unconquerable Cimmerians get conquered again, Conan is enslaved, finds an Atlantean sword), but with an added twist: the opening two-parter is a loose (and I mean loose) retelling of "The Tower of the Elephant".
Yag-Kosha is depicted with some barely-mobile animatronics and his searing cosmic tragedy is reduced to a short sob story. Crom, the uncaring and aloof is, here, a British guy who talks through the Sword of Atlantis, telling Conan about his destiny and blah, blah, blah. Moeller was obviously cast because of his resemblance to Arnie (brown hair, Germanic accent, minimal acting ability) and not because of any deeper qualities. Conan is a Chosen One. The depiction of magic is annoying. Even weak wizards can effortlessly do pretty much anything 90s CGI could depict. There's no weight to any of it. Yag-Kosha's big revenge is rendered dull and unimaginative. Conan is saddled with not one, not two, but a whole flipping team of sidekicks, none of whom originated in any of REH's stories. The sets look like dull concrete and the mighty cities of the Hyborian Age are villages. And while I'm not normally one to harp on such matters Yara, who is Asian in the story, is a weedy little white dude who looks more like a villain's henchman than a big bad.
Oh, did I mention Mickey Rooney has a cameo in the first episode? Mickey. Flipping. Rooney.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
You can watch the whole series on Tubi, unless you have more important things to do, like watching paint dry.
