Post by BlackHeart on Nov 9, 2023 6:49:13 GMT -5
Disappointed with most of today's movies, I decide to reenact Arnold a bit, and so came a Red Sonja's turn. And it's amazing how I see Arnie much more as Conan in this movie than in any other movie.
Fans of our favorite Cimmerian will forever argue about the original Barbarian movie (it is the best, although far from the original character), a story about which volumes have already been written to fill the entire Nemedian chronicles, that they will pay little attention to some minor things, and that's something I often like to do - look for a gem in the mud. And the most interesting side quest for me brings the realization that the best interpretation of the character on the film till now turned out to be the one that was not that character at all.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has played Conan twice now, starring as the character in both Conan the Barbarian and Conan the Destroyer. 1985’s Red Sonja makes it kind of sort of three times with his role as Lord Kalidor: a Conan without the price tag.
One could argue that Dino de Laurentiis and his production company found a way to make a Conan-based movie disguised as a Red Sonja movie. De Laurentiis bought the rights to the Red Sonja comic book property and set the world in Hyborian age, thus giving us a Conan with an upgraded wardrobe.
Lord Kalidor isn’t afraid of a little color. The first time he rides up on Sonja he is wearing a solid red and gold number. It’s not showing as much as Conan’s furkini hi-cut briefs, but it still works. Kalidor knows he can show off what he's working with using minimal effort so he doesn’t have to flaunt it all the time. Just like Howard's Conan, who doesn't give a damn about it. His appearance alone seems powerful, whether in armor or desert velvet. He leaves a little to Sonja’s imagination like a respectable barbarian, while still coordinating all the way down to his ride. His trusty steed is adorned in similar jewelry — making him a lord of taste, honestly. Small detail, but we know from the stories that Conan was not always dressed minimalistic, as they like to represent him in other media. On contre.
Unfortunately for Kalidor, however, Sonja is too wrapped up in her quest to think too much about him. It's not until his consistent stalking of her (which results in him actually helping her out when she's ambushed) that she pauses her hot girl quest to give him a true glance. And just like in the Thomas comics, things unfold... Of course not exactly how Con... Sorry, Kalidor would like. But still... 🔥
Stalkerish tendencies aside, Lord Kalidor also happens to be a warrior who understands and respects the standards of the women he flirts with — even if his respect is built on whether he can defeat them in a sword fight. Which shows the humorous side of the Cimmerian that is mostly only present in the stories - the dark barbarian is not just a killing machine, prone to brooding and melancholy. He is also a man of immense mirth and desire. Before his duel with Sonya, a similar performance as Conan has before Valeria in Red Nails is evident. As he expresses his admiration for the woman who points the sword at him, we see the same confident but foolish barbarian from the yarn ⚔
And his speech during this not particularly high-quality film is more Conanic than anything he uttered in the previous two films that actually bear the name of the Cimmerian in the title! Especially the part where he says "I'm no mercenary - nobody pays me. And if I think somebody owes me something, I take it!" He just needs to add "I am Conan, of Cimmeria" at the start and the experience is complete. These are actually the words that our barbarian friend would say against the truly powerfull but not so Conanic philosophy of What's Best in Life, which originated with Genghis Khan. But that is another story.
What else to say...? All this does little to erase the fact that the film was a flop and that Arnold rightly calls it "the worst film he ever made", but, as I said, in every mire there is a gem if you look hard enough.
Fans of our favorite Cimmerian will forever argue about the original Barbarian movie (it is the best, although far from the original character), a story about which volumes have already been written to fill the entire Nemedian chronicles, that they will pay little attention to some minor things, and that's something I often like to do - look for a gem in the mud. And the most interesting side quest for me brings the realization that the best interpretation of the character on the film till now turned out to be the one that was not that character at all.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has played Conan twice now, starring as the character in both Conan the Barbarian and Conan the Destroyer. 1985’s Red Sonja makes it kind of sort of three times with his role as Lord Kalidor: a Conan without the price tag.
One could argue that Dino de Laurentiis and his production company found a way to make a Conan-based movie disguised as a Red Sonja movie. De Laurentiis bought the rights to the Red Sonja comic book property and set the world in Hyborian age, thus giving us a Conan with an upgraded wardrobe.
Lord Kalidor isn’t afraid of a little color. The first time he rides up on Sonja he is wearing a solid red and gold number. It’s not showing as much as Conan’s furkini hi-cut briefs, but it still works. Kalidor knows he can show off what he's working with using minimal effort so he doesn’t have to flaunt it all the time. Just like Howard's Conan, who doesn't give a damn about it. His appearance alone seems powerful, whether in armor or desert velvet. He leaves a little to Sonja’s imagination like a respectable barbarian, while still coordinating all the way down to his ride. His trusty steed is adorned in similar jewelry — making him a lord of taste, honestly. Small detail, but we know from the stories that Conan was not always dressed minimalistic, as they like to represent him in other media. On contre.
Unfortunately for Kalidor, however, Sonja is too wrapped up in her quest to think too much about him. It's not until his consistent stalking of her (which results in him actually helping her out when she's ambushed) that she pauses her hot girl quest to give him a true glance. And just like in the Thomas comics, things unfold... Of course not exactly how Con... Sorry, Kalidor would like. But still... 🔥
Stalkerish tendencies aside, Lord Kalidor also happens to be a warrior who understands and respects the standards of the women he flirts with — even if his respect is built on whether he can defeat them in a sword fight. Which shows the humorous side of the Cimmerian that is mostly only present in the stories - the dark barbarian is not just a killing machine, prone to brooding and melancholy. He is also a man of immense mirth and desire. Before his duel with Sonya, a similar performance as Conan has before Valeria in Red Nails is evident. As he expresses his admiration for the woman who points the sword at him, we see the same confident but foolish barbarian from the yarn ⚔
And his speech during this not particularly high-quality film is more Conanic than anything he uttered in the previous two films that actually bear the name of the Cimmerian in the title! Especially the part where he says "I'm no mercenary - nobody pays me. And if I think somebody owes me something, I take it!" He just needs to add "I am Conan, of Cimmeria" at the start and the experience is complete. These are actually the words that our barbarian friend would say against the truly powerfull but not so Conanic philosophy of What's Best in Life, which originated with Genghis Khan. But that is another story.
What else to say...? All this does little to erase the fact that the film was a flop and that Arnold rightly calls it "the worst film he ever made", but, as I said, in every mire there is a gem if you look hard enough.
